Author: jennrae

Singe mom, part time writer of primarily sci-fi and fantasy. Also, a hopeless romantic that is into classic cinema and grunge/nineties music. Part time optimist, part time cynic Twitter is Jennisfora Rae.
Posted in Life

Lottay or lattee…Pronounciation and the idea of NOW

Posted on by jennrae

Another random musing. This one has to do with pronunciation. My parents treated me to Starbucks and are getting me snow tires because they know I can’t afford it otherwise. Well, I meant the tires, but in truth, Starbucks is also a luxury at this point.  My poor dad isn’t an espresso drinker, he doesn’t know the lingo, or how to order an espresso.  So, me and my Mom share a little chuckle at his expense when he orders me a Cinnamon Dolce LATTEY. And, then they ask what size, and I tell him, Grande. And he says, Grande? like it is a question, mumbling something along the lines of… “I feel like I’m ordering Mexican?”  And then, after thinking about it, enjoying this Latte, sipping its sweetness and feeling the warmth cascade down my throat, how did I download this innate coffee lingo? How did I get my coffee knowledge? Was there a time when I would’ve mispronounced Latte? I remember my Mom calling it “expresso” back in the day, and I found it a little embarrassing. (I was a kid, we are embarrassed by everything our parents say, or don’t say.)

But when did this lingo revolution occur? When did I get all this knowledge? Was it like the Matrix, did I lean back in a chair while someone  prepared my disc and implanted it? I honestly cannot remember learning what a latte was, or when I learned this. I remember a movie that a lot of people hated back in the day, Hudson Hawk. In Hudson Hawk Bruce Willis makes several references to cappuccino. It is kinda conspicuous, it pops up so much, in the movie, it is almost like it was the new trend or something back then. Now, you wouldn’t see that in the movie, they would just have the character get a mocha, or a latte.

It is like when all video game machines were called Nintendos. It used to be, what are you doing? “Oh, playing Nintendo.” Now it is… What are you doing? “Oh, I am console gaming while I am waiting for this WoW patch to download on my laptop while my Ipod sincs with my Itunes on the desktop, and my digital camera downloads the latest photos of me and my latest Ebay purchases while I surfed amazon.com on my Iphone….”

Yeah… and when people no longer know how to communicate or pronounce anything face to face, and it is all “Lawls” and “ROFLMAO” and “nub” and the english language won’t matter. And I’ll be wondering, when did I hear about this Latte crap? We do coffee intravenously, when did I get this knowledge? I need that Lottie in 1.5 secs, need my fix now. As I am used to faster and faster download times, I no longer have the patience to wait even the second it takes to put the coffee in a cup, I need it NOW! On that note…..lawl. 😛 *Breathe* Take a moment, take a second, to just breathe. Sometimes modern life is too much, and everyone is in the “hurry up so I can wait mode.” We can wait, we will get there when we get there. We don’t need to hurry. Take the time to mispronounce the roses…there is plenty of time.

Posted in Life

Good Times

Posted on by jennrae

So I have been blessed to have a week of paid time off, and alot of time to think about things and read bad advice online about love and life. Now, it is kinda mean to say it is bad advice. But the thing about any advice, is that it is bad if it isn’t tailored to the needs of the person on the receiving end. So, when you read stuff online you get contradictory answers and a lot of people wanting  you (Well, me in this case.) to shell out 40 plus bucks to learn their secrets. Secrets like how to be happy, and how to be successful, how to make a bunch of money, how to win and keep the love of your life, to do everything and anything from becoming closer to God, to finding out what you really want (okay, an ebook will tell you how to do that?? Is the author privy to your inner workings and thoughts, experiences? Didn’t think so. )

So that’s what I mean by bad advice, not that it will kill you, or that it means harm, but, it doesn’t really help you because while well meaning, it can’t be fully applied to your problem/situation. Except in a general sense. And, I have found alot of the “advice” are from writers like me, who are just putting out their opinions/thoughts on the subject and aren’t really anymore qualified and aren’t anymore informed than anyone else. I have found the way to learning for me, is the hard way. In other words, by making mistakes and stumbling around, and then learning okay, I won’t do THAT again.  You can’t read or research actual experience. You have to get out there and let it happen. So, that is what I think I will do. I will DO. Actions speak louder than words, and actions lead to results. Not thinking, not talking, not reading. Doing. Good old fashioned doing.

So…want to read my opinion on how to be happy? Lead a fulfilling life, filled with interesting people. Be interesting. If you find yourself boring, so will others. Do something you enjoy. Don’t talk about someday, what if, maybe, if the stars align at this moment in this year, as Nike says, JUST DO IT! Be happy. I read somewhere that happiness is a choice. ( I know, I read somewhere, didn’t I just say to not read….wait..are you reading this???) I am starting to believe, no, I am starting to know, this is the case.

You can choose to see what you don’t have, what you don’t like, people you don’t like. Or, you can choose to see what you do have, what you do enjoy, surround yourself with people you do like.  Life doesn’t have to be complicated. Sometimes I think the internet has overcomplicated things by allowing introverts like myself to remain introverted. It is hard to get out there, and I am still struggling with it, and the internet makes it so easy to sit back and let things pass you by. You can refresh facebook and read interesting links, or you can get out there and do things, that make it so you have something interesting TO link. Which would you rather do?

Posted in Writing

What is the Writing Bug? Is it related to the Acting Bug??

Posted on by jennrae

I was thinking that writing this blog has somehow got me reenergized about writing, and how I feel like I have got the writing bug again. Last time I had a serious case of the writing bug was in 2001 when I wrote my huge unfixable novel in three months, that no one can read. Yeah, that was real useful. Hmm. But, I focused and enjoyed doing it while I was doing it. So, I refuse to see it as a waste of time. And, it is still on the massive to do list, in the fixer upper (Like those huge old houses that it costs more to upkeep and renovate than they are worth, but people do it out of love? Yeah, that’s my novel. ) category.

So what do I mean, by writing bug? Is it a physical thing like in alien, that possesses you, then pops out of your stomach all evil like? Well, as interesting as that would be, the realist has to admit that no, it isn’t like alien. It isn’t a physical bug, or creature, although that would be cool if it was. (the kid in me is like, oooh, yeah, cool! lol. How unprofessional is lol? Anyway…) For me, it is like an obsession, a compulsion, to write. I feel like I need to get the words out, and they pour out effortlessly but not necessarily as amazing prose. (more like, never as amazing prose? Except for those rare gems, that I just stumble upon.)

When the bug grips me, I feel like anything is possible, that I can actually complete novels and stories, and write whatever. And, until the critic comes out later, and boy, does he/she ever…all will seem wonderful. When the inner critic informs me that it is all utter nonsense, and not great prose, that’s when I start to get over the writing equivalent of a cold. The critic starts to become more and more vocal until their view becomes my view. And, then, I’m back to the beginning.

Sometimes, to get out of a rut I recall a quote from Alice in Wonderland. It is a really simple quote. I believe the mad hatter says it. “Start at the beginning, and when you get to the end….STOP!” That’s how writing gets done. But you have to start, and the failed start is a problem I have been running into lately. I get bored with my own story, and I feel like, if I am bored, then surely the readers will be to? (I know, I am suggesting I have readers, lol, well, theoretically, okay.)

Anyway, this rant is all about how I kept wanting to get up in the middle of the night and post blogs. I am excited to write again, I have the bug! And, I have never been so happy to catch something. 🙂

Posted in Life

OCD and is that grass really greener over there? or is that a big pile of dog poo?

Posted on by jennrae

Inspiration just hit me, so I felt compelled to write this down. In fact, this particular entry is about compulsion. I was thinking to myself, as I was attempting to fall asleep, how so manypeople, myself included, get caught up in the grass is greener syndrome. I should totally make a post completely devoted to that concept. But instead of doing that, my brain went on a tangent. ( You will notice that this will happen often.)

I recalled an instance from a book I read years ago. I believe it was Xenocide by Orson Scott Card, part of his Ender cycle, for people that are his fans. (I kinda like him despite him being anti coffee and all, yet another idea for another post!) In this particular book, unless I am getting it mixed up with another book, there is an OCD girl, on a planet of OCD people, where being OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) is considered close to divinity, that traces the pattern on the floor over and over.  And, she teaches herself to do this, over years. At first it isn’t naturally occurring OCD, it is something that she forces herself to get in the habit of doing, but eventually it becomes a hardwired habit. Somewhere down the line, it’s been years since I read this book so I don’t really remember exactly, but, the problem that caused the people to be OCD is reversed, and the girl’s father is trying to get her to stop tracing the floor, because she should be cured. And, she won’t stop.

Okay, you are saying, that’s an odd tangent, but I’m not sure what your point is, or how this ties into the whole grass is greener idea?

Well, basically, this illustrates how you can get so used to doing the same thing over and over, to the point that even when you should be “cured”, you’re not, because you have trained yourself to do this, and it makes it hard to stop, and you may not even want to, because you are so used to the routine. As far as the grass is greener, I have been on both sides of that fence, and I can tell you, to quote Soundgarden, “the grass is greener where the dogs have been sh***ing.”  Basically, there is a cost to everything. Nothing is completely free. But you get so used to jumping the fence, that even if you know the grass isn’t greener over there, or that it might be filled with dog poo, you jump anyway like a tiger through a flaming hulu hoop at the circus. Only, in your case, or in my case, I am the one holding the whip, and jumping through the fire.  So, to make a long story a little bit longer, it’s time to stop tracing that floor and start doing something more constructive!

Thoughts? Did any of this make any sense at all?

Posted in Life

Welcome to my life…what I am willing to share anyway :)

Posted on by jennrae

in jail

The past few years I have begun to realize sometimes my life reads like a badly written soap opera. Very badly written, as cliche as they come. Minus the evil twins and plane crashes and people thought to be dead reentering the small town I dwell in. (Although, that last part might make for a good story, hmm…)

Sometimes I have felt trapped, always seeming like if I am getting anywhere, magically I end up back at square one. I have started to realize that what I consider important in life, really important, doesn’t revolve around success, or a college degree, or even lots of money. I would just simply like to find true love, and meet the man of my dreams, and live happily ever after, into the sunset, Oh wait, did I say something about things being cliche? Oops. Okay, maybe I would be willing to settle for a good guy who is willing to love me back, forget the riding into the sunset nonsense, as I think I am old and wise enough to know that things are cyclical. Nothing stops at happily ever after, things go up and down until you die, or as many believe, even after you die. I could speculate on life after death, but, I think I will save that for another day. As, the only way to verify that conjecture, well, would be to have a near death experience, and while it might tentatively be on the to-do list, it certainly isn’t something I wish to experience anytime soon. …

Okay, end of that tangent. The reason love is on my mind is because I am trying to fall out of love, and it is harder than it sounds.  It is hard to explain, but sometimes when you can’t have something, that is the only thing you want. Or if you are told, now don’t tell so and so about the ending of that M. Night Shyamalan movie…and, you do. Because now it is on your mind. and you know you were told not to tell, but somehow it slips out, because you were told not to tell? Does that make sense?

So, knowing that it didn’t work out, and it is over, is one thing, but giving up the feelings, nearly impossible. If I stay away, and don’t talk to him, message him, text him, call him, find a sad excuse to contact him in any way, shape or form, I will get over it. It is just the hardest thing to do right now, because I know, I need to do it.  *sigh*