The past few years I have begun to realize sometimes my life reads like a badly written soap opera. Very badly written, as cliche as they come. Minus the evil twins and plane crashes and people thought to be dead reentering the small town I dwell in. (Although, that last part might make for a good story, hmm…)
Sometimes I have felt trapped, always seeming like if I am getting anywhere, magically I end up back at square one. I have started to realize that what I consider important in life, really important, doesn’t revolve around success, or a college degree, or even lots of money. I would just simply like to find true love, and meet the man of my dreams, and live happily ever after, into the sunset, Oh wait, did I say something about things being cliche? Oops. Okay, maybe I would be willing to settle for a good guy who is willing to love me back, forget the riding into the sunset nonsense, as I think I am old and wise enough to know that things are cyclical. Nothing stops at happily ever after, things go up and down until you die, or as many believe, even after you die. I could speculate on life after death, but, I think I will save that for another day. As, the only way to verify that conjecture, well, would be to have a near death experience, and while it might tentatively be on the to-do list, it certainly isn’t something I wish to experience anytime soon. …
Okay, end of that tangent. The reason love is on my mind is because I am trying to fall out of love, and it is harder than it sounds. It is hard to explain, but sometimes when you can’t have something, that is the only thing you want. Or if you are told, now don’t tell so and so about the ending of that M. Night Shyamalan movie…and, you do. Because now it is on your mind. and you know you were told not to tell, but somehow it slips out, because you were told not to tell? Does that make sense?
So, knowing that it didn’t work out, and it is over, is one thing, but giving up the feelings, nearly impossible. If I stay away, and don’t talk to him, message him, text him, call him, find a sad excuse to contact him in any way, shape or form, I will get over it. It is just the hardest thing to do right now, because I know, I need to do it. *sigh*