Category: Writing

Posted in Life, Writing

Uncertainty and Personal Responsibility…and The White Fluffy Stuff

Posted on by jennrae

So I am bored and snowed in. Got so much snow, not sure if I am working tomorrow or not, or what’s going on. This of course gets me thinking about that dreaded feeling of uncertainty we all get when we don’t know what’s going to happen next. In a movie it is called suspense, and generally is considered a good thing, keeps the interest going. In your life, it is often stressful, and causes anxiety, not a good thing. I also want to touch on personal responsibility, as it appears to be harder to find people who actually accept and use it.

As far as uncertainty goes, we all have some of it in our lives. Nothing is set in stone, nothing is ever one hundred percent guaranteed. There is always an element of risk, it is all about how much you are willing to take, and whether the reward is worth it to you.

Ultimately, in my experience, the additional anxiety caused by worrying about possible futures that may or may not happen is a big waste of time. Often the end result that we suffer so much worrying about doesn’t even come to pass. It is good to be prepared, and to use your knowledge and past experiences to avoid repeating mistakes. There is a time and place for blind faith, but, it would be foolhardy to risk it all constantly. There becomes a point where gambling becomes less fun and more irresponsible and dangerous. Still, you can’t always play it safe, or you will miss out on alot of potential things in life. Promotions at work, people as friends, lovers, or even business contacts, or life in general. Our lives are made up of our experiences, good and bad. Both of these kinds of experiences partially create the person we are in this moment.

For example, I would be a much different person today if I had stayed in my marriage, or if  I had never gotten married. I might have been plagued by pointless “what if”ing, or maybe not. I will never know, but unless you are planning on writing an alternative history novel, I don’t see the point of dwelling on the past. You should deal with the past, not bury it, but once dealt with, you have to move on to greener pastures. You cannot time travel and fix it. And, if you could, how do you know if things would be better? You will never know, so instead, channel the what ifs, and the maybe’s into some passion of yours. For me, it is writing. I borrow pieces of people who I have met, and known over the years and mix them up with invented traits, and pieces of me. It is like venting, but kinda productive.  Makes for a rich cast of fictional people because there is an element of the non fiction in all writing. It is based on our experiences. Just as there is an element of fiction in most non fiction, via writer bias and flawed memories.

As far as taking responsibility goes, I get tired of people passing the buck, or blaming everyone else. Time to own up. And, if you do manage to mess up, clean up your mess. Don’t just shrug and go oh well, that is too bad. Someone has to do it, might as well be the person responsible. Oh, there is that word again, responsibility. Now, to tie these two things together isn’t actually as difficult as it appears. They go hand in hand. If you don’t take responsiblity for your actions, you will continue to find yourself in various crises, and also will most likely have a trail of past mistakes trailing after you.

Until you own it, and make amends for your past, take responsibility for what you messed up on, you are destined to repeat it. I have found it freed up my conscious to admit to myself my mistakes, how I contributed to how things have went in my life. It is freeing to know where you goofed, and it is nice to know not to do that again. Now, don’t take all the responsibility on your shoulders. There are always more than one reason for how things go. But, I do feel it is important for people to own their part of it.

As far as uncertainty goes, embrace it! It is part of being alive. We would all be so bored if we had all the answers and knew the screenplay of our lives by heart. If you don’t want to be plagued by the road less traveled, then get off the path a little. Maybe you are playing it too safe.

*May everyone who lives where it is snowing drive carefully, and be safe! Ice is nothing to gamble on! 🙂

Posted in Fiction, Writing

Danger, Danger…(a character study)

Posted on by jennrae

With steely eyes and a sure grin, she aimed the rifle casually at the unsuspecting deer. She watched as it nibbled absently at a tuft of grass, and paw the ground a bit, oblivious to its fate.  Her partner knelt next to her, shivering despite his thick coat and fur lined gloves.

She wore a little smirk as her fingers slowly tightened on the trigger, waiting for the right moment to strike. Suddenly, the forest exploded in sound as she pulled the trigger, leaving the echo. The deer had a frozen look of fear and went down midleap, twitching, spasming, as its life’s blood trickled from the small circular wound in its majestic chest, eyes rolling back revealing the whites before shuddering still. Silence encompassed them now as the other creatures of the woodland bounded, fluttered, or skittered away with the gunshot, leaving the two hunters completely alone.

The man looked at his partner, the huntress, the killer, the triumphant gleam in her eye of victory, dominance, and superiority. He shivered again, rubbing his gloved hands together to ward off the additional chill he was experiencing.  She approached the corpse and took out her knife. The man found himself looking away, uncertain.  He’d done this before himself, but somehow watching her, experiencing her gutting the animal was different. Something about the look in her eyes as she confidently went about her business, about the lack of stereotypical femininity, bothered him. She became unreal, animalistic; a lioness in her environment.

He had the feeling that he could be next, that he was merely one kind of conquest among many, and that she would carefully gut him, detached from it when she was through with him much like a biology student dissects a frog.  He knew these thoughts were irrational. He knew she wasn’t a lioness. She wouldn’t devour him or break him into a million pieces like glass. But the fear remained and formed an invisible barricade between them.

Ironically, her willingness to learn to hunt was an attempt  on her part to bridge the gap, to break the barricade down. But like everything else, it was her nonchalance, her over capability, her ability to achieve easily that added fuel to the fire of his increasing insecurity.  He wanted to break their engagement but he could imagine the look in her eyes, the “How dare you…who do you think you are” moments. He was paralyzed by the fear of indecision. Like a deer caught in the glare of the headlights of an oncoming car. No matter what he did he heard the warning in his mind,”danger,danger!”

Posted in Writing

False Starts

Posted on by jennrae

Figured I should address the writing project front even if I am reluctant to do so.  My current issue is what I like to call “false starts.” Basically, I keep writing intros, and not feeling into the story. it is next to impossible for me to write something, if I am not into it. It is like swimming upstream, going against the current. It can be done, but, it takes so much work, it drains the fun right out. And, as fun as it would be to make a living at writing, I don’t make a penny. It is something I do for fun. So, Nanowrimo for me has been a complete failure. I don’t know if I didn’t do enough pre planning, or if the pressure itself threw me off. But, I noticed I have a book called Write a Novel in a Month. Maybe, I will crack that open and see if I can get anywhere that way. Maybe this just wasn’t my year. Maybe I was too rusty, not in the groove. I haven’t been writing consistently since I stopped going to my little writer’s group, and that was a year or two ago, now? I can’t seem to keep track of time anymore. It is like having a kid destroys the ability to function.

Either way, that’s the update. I have like 3 or 4 craptastic intros I plan on never showing a soul, and no real story. But, on the plus side, I have gotten excited about writing again,and I feel like I am getting my groove back just by typing this blog. Even if it is just my ramblings, it is still getting me back in shape, writing wise. And, I am even thinking about attempting a video from my webcam, see if I can manage that, and you can all see me in motion, and know that, I am in fact a real person. No promises though,  I have done some practice video, just need to find a good topic, and maybe I’ll just do an introduction, like this is who I am, my favorite color is… my favorite animal is…. I’m such and such feet tall, and I love eggs for breakfast…:)

Posted in Life, Writing

Life is too short…and other Overused Phrases of Mine

Posted on by jennrae

I was debating putting this in the writing category, since it does touch on that. But, I think I will keep it in both writing and life. Because, it touches on that too. Have you noticed sometimes people have catch phrases or words they tend to say over and over? Worst case scenario is valley girl speak, where the word “like” is like, put in as every other word, like that makes any sense, you know, like because it is cool, and totally, like, unnecessary…like…shoot me now..figuratively, not literally, please!

That is the worst case scenario. I find myself saying “Anyways, or anyhow” as my filler words of choice. I will often begin a sentence with either of these, even when I am not changing the subject, which is what the words are for. I think it is just how I talk, so it translates into my writing. I have decided to attempt to cut back on “anyways or anyhow.” Wish me luck, as I have wrote about before, if you have been doing a habit for a long time, it makes it very difficult to break. However, if I am going to write how I talk, then I should try to use a more varied vocabulary, because, if like follows form (there’s that pesky like word again.) it should also translate into my writing. Complete craziness? Or do you think this will work?

Now, on to Life is too Short….this is what I tend to say when I don’t know what else to say, when someone tells me their life story/problem and they seem to be working up the anxiety, and I really don’t even understand why they are doing this. I just say Life is too short. They think about it, and go, you know, you’re right. I won’t worry about whether I am going to go on vacation to Alaska or Hawaii, or whether I am going to have tea with honey or tea with sugar…because it doesn’t matter.  Life is too short works. If someone is going on and on about boy/girl trouble. And, you aren’t sure if you can say something comforting, tell them life is too short. They will respond, “You’re so right. I shouldn’t dwell on so and so, life is too short, I have to focus on me.” (this worked on me, actually, don’t know who said it, but, no matter what the situation, the other person somehow gets the answer they need from it.)

Now, there are situations where I would not use it…if someone has experienced a tragic loss…Life is too short, is completely, completely inappropriate. The person knows, and is painfully aware just how short it can be. In fact, this situation is the most awkward for me, because there isn’t a right thing to say. So, keep it simple. If it is in a business/acquaintance type situation, a simple im sorry for your loss, or my condolences will work. if it is a close friend , or family member…sometimes a nice hug is the best form of communication. Don’t say anything, just hug that person, let them cry on your shoulder. That is the best response.

Now, to tie those two things together…I now find myself “defaulting” to life is too short whenever I worry or think about anything too much. And, again, ruins the whole varied vocabulary ideal. Life may be too short, but there has to be other ways to say it, or imply it. Just because you can use it for a lot of situations doesn’t mean you should. Something to think about…

Posted in Writing

What is the Writing Bug? Is it related to the Acting Bug??

Posted on by jennrae

I was thinking that writing this blog has somehow got me reenergized about writing, and how I feel like I have got the writing bug again. Last time I had a serious case of the writing bug was in 2001 when I wrote my huge unfixable novel in three months, that no one can read. Yeah, that was real useful. Hmm. But, I focused and enjoyed doing it while I was doing it. So, I refuse to see it as a waste of time. And, it is still on the massive to do list, in the fixer upper (Like those huge old houses that it costs more to upkeep and renovate than they are worth, but people do it out of love? Yeah, that’s my novel. ) category.

So what do I mean, by writing bug? Is it a physical thing like in alien, that possesses you, then pops out of your stomach all evil like? Well, as interesting as that would be, the realist has to admit that no, it isn’t like alien. It isn’t a physical bug, or creature, although that would be cool if it was. (the kid in me is like, oooh, yeah, cool! lol. How unprofessional is lol? Anyway…) For me, it is like an obsession, a compulsion, to write. I feel like I need to get the words out, and they pour out effortlessly but not necessarily as amazing prose. (more like, never as amazing prose? Except for those rare gems, that I just stumble upon.)

When the bug grips me, I feel like anything is possible, that I can actually complete novels and stories, and write whatever. And, until the critic comes out later, and boy, does he/she ever…all will seem wonderful. When the inner critic informs me that it is all utter nonsense, and not great prose, that’s when I start to get over the writing equivalent of a cold. The critic starts to become more and more vocal until their view becomes my view. And, then, I’m back to the beginning.

Sometimes, to get out of a rut I recall a quote from Alice in Wonderland. It is a really simple quote. I believe the mad hatter says it. “Start at the beginning, and when you get to the end….STOP!” That’s how writing gets done. But you have to start, and the failed start is a problem I have been running into lately. I get bored with my own story, and I feel like, if I am bored, then surely the readers will be to? (I know, I am suggesting I have readers, lol, well, theoretically, okay.)

Anyway, this rant is all about how I kept wanting to get up in the middle of the night and post blogs. I am excited to write again, I have the bug! And, I have never been so happy to catch something. 🙂