I suppose since what the eye sees is its only way to organize reality and not actually what is actually there, I would have to question it knowing I am human and my eye is flawed. I used to be a very literal person. Seeing is believing.
When I was a child I had an outsized imagination and thought I could create my reality at will by stating it. Eventually, when I entered school and was around other kids more, I was forced to realize that this wasn’t the case. It actually made it harder for me to learn to read. I wanted to make up what words said and that there was a meaning set in stone outside of me was difficult for me to understand. I went from being the center of the universe in my mind, to being completely irrelevant. I swung hard the other way and was convinced I was useless and was actually bringing the people I cared about down. It took me a while to find a middle ground.
I cannot control reality, but I am not completely irrelevant. I can shape my own reality with my will power to an extant. There are other people who also have wills and wants and I don’t think you can or should control others. I suppose I have always questioned reality. I always believed even if I pushed it way back in the recesses of my mind, that there was more to the world then I could see or experience. I want to believe in this hidden magical world. I believe in the soul. I refuse to believe we are just walking meat puppets programmed to go through the motions.
I believe we can and are meant for more than this. I have always been drawn to reincarnation and karma. I am not certain about this because of population growth, unless new souls can be created on the fly. My unpublished Zennis stories had a form of reincarnation where the soul is poured into a giant cauldron and broken into pieces, and each of these pieces would be mixed together with other pieces of other souls, so new souls would be crafted from the old souls.
Unless you had magic which was a physical thing that can be put inside of your soul. It was a memory card of sorts, it would save your life, memories, traits, and keep your soul intact so you can try again to live a better life. Much of the first planned novel of this story deals with the many lives of the Zennis Wizard, including one where his memory didn’t transfer. I thought of all this at 5 or 6 years old mind you. There was also a way to travel between worlds by using a massive hallway where each world had a door. I have since seen this concept in movies and tv. But, I thought of it first, as far as my story goes.
I would start off at night having trouble sleeping. So, to fall asleep I would conjure a story. It grew as I would continue it every night. After a while I had a sizeable cast of characters, so I would have to go over their names, looks and who they were associated with before starting where I left off.
I would also have to do a mental recap, to make sure I picked up at the right place. Now, keep in mind, I didn’t write this down, it was all in my head. I used to have a photographic memory, and could do this easily. Now, not so much. I am afraid some details will be lost forever. Although, because I can draw I did make a character book with all the details eventually. I think I may still have it, or part of it.
Maybe I should try my hand at writing this story again. I periodically attempt it.
Back to the question though, yes, as a writer who loves to write sci-fi, fantasy and some horror, yes I question reality every single day. I have had other experiences seeing ghosts that make me believe there is more than we know out there. I also believe we can communicate with telepathy through the mind. I have had feeling and sensations and sometimes even thoughts which I seemed to eavesdrop from somewhere. Who knows where our muses come from anyway? Could they be from the past, the present, another dimension?
I know when I write enough I enter an almost trance-like state where the words flow and I let them do their thing. I let it take over and meander where it will. It is largely how I wrote 250,000 words in three months. It is also why it is such a mess. But still, there is something there. Something beyond myself, something unknowable. I believe almost anything is possible. It gives me hope and courage. There are things that can not be seen. Only experienced.
The Infamous Jennisfora Strikes Again...or something like that 