I’m writing this looking forward to the future. I get to get back into dating, this time I will take my time and enjoy the process of getting to know another human being. My goal is not to rush into anything, but at the same time I am excited for a fresh start. A start where someone doesn’t have a preconceived notion of who I am, or who I should be. Someone that will hopefully, have an open mind and possibly grow to love me as I am in this moment. Not for any perceived potential or tweaking, or reinvention. Someone who may just end up being a one time fun date, or a friend, or a lover.
I love going into it without expecting anything in return. It is like I am leaving the answer up to the universe to figure out. I am not hedging all my happiness on one poor soul, but I am looking forward to the experience nonetheless. If I don’t go into it thinking this is my last shot of the love lottery, I am not as likely to be disappointed.
Can I still be disappointed? Of course, there is always the possibility of that. Him cancelling the date, changing his mind, not meeting, not getting to know someone. Those things would be disappointing, but not in a traumatic way. I am not heavily invested. It would be more like, well, that sucks, let’s see who else is out there. Not, OMG, I am UNLOVABLE!! Which is the polar opposite reaction, the reaction that takes every failure personally. My goal is to not take it personally. Whatever will be, will be. My goal is to not stop taking risks, to not let fear be the deciding factor of my life.
A quote from a sweet romantic film done by Baz Luhrman comes to mind, Strictly Ballroom, if you haven’t seen it, you should, “A life Lived in fear is a life half-lived.” The whole movie is about people and how they perceive success and failure, and how that fear of being a failure, or being laughed at, ridiculed, put down makes some people give up on their dreams, their goals. I say, don’t give up! If it is worth doing, it won’t be easy. If you go down without a fight, you will always live your life full of regrets. “Why didn’t I try harder, why did I give up, why didn’t I give it my all?, why didn’t I put myself back out there? Fear of rejection is still just fear. Nothing more, nothing less. Don’t let the fear win. Adversity makes us stronger in the end. 🙂