Tag: renewal

Posted in Life, Writing

Spring Is Here… Or Another Post on Renewal

Posted on by jennrae

It is now Sunday evening and I have a long week ahead of me working in a new environment which always makes me strangely nervous. I am always most comfortable with routine and the expected but I know part of growing as a person is being able and willing to take risks. Which means getting uncomfortable at times.

I generally like spring. It is a time of renewal, a time for change, and growth and new things coming up out of the ground. The days start to get a little longer, it rains a lot which can be soothing. It isn’t hot or cold, although it can be windy here. It is another opportunity to check in with your life, where you are at and where you want to get to.

Spring cleaning and starting over and getting organized is something I always attempt. Every year I tell myself I am going to do better and more than the year before, but I always seem to fall short. I think this year I will set my goals  more realistically. I want to organize my desk, and grow this blog and make progress on both novels.

Even if it is just a few pages or a few hundred people more, that is something. I am going in the right direction. I would love to eventually make an income with  my writing instead of working myself to death. Here’s to the future. May it be bright and give you all happiness and success to any that pass this way.

I believe in being grateful and hopeful for myself and others. I really believe that a person’s thoughts and actions can have a real effect and power on what happens around them. It certainly can’t hurt, so I do my best at spreading positivity wherever I can.

*Hugs* JennRae.

Posted in Life, Uncategorized

Restarting, Renewal, and Birthdays

Posted on by jennrae

So it is that time of year again. I seem to always do a new year’s post, and a birthday post. New Years is a time for starting fresh, setting goals and starting over, birthdays for me are also a time of change, of realizing that time has past me by, that another year is on its way out, and around my birthday I usually will do something drastic to my hair, or get some clothes that are different, maybe even try some new music. It is a time to rediscover me.

I did the hair cut, and It is a bit subtle, for a birthday haircut, but it looks nice. That day I felt and looked like a million bucks. But now I’ve come down to earth and still feel a little bit empty.

When you are a kid you can’t wait to grow up. Each birthday is a milestone an age where you can do more, be more. Somewhere after 25 this stops. Sure, you can rent a car but that isn’t that exciting is it? And then you turn 26, and you get what? nothing. You turn 30, you get, well to be 30. Hopefully, you are in some sort of career path so you can accomplish some financial goals or start paying off school debt. Or  maybe you are getting into more debt trying to find your path still.

Past 35 and I see the white hairs. I feel tired in the morning. I just feel older. I can’t pull an all nighter like I used to. I can actually hurt myself and it takes time to recover.

I am trying to be my sunny optimistic self. I probably shouldn’t blog when I feel a little meh. Things aren’t bad. I am honestly in great health. I am writing on a regular basis, upgraded this blog.Things have been going up not down.

I guess if I had to put my finger on why I’m feeling meh I could have some guesses. I spend a lot of time alone or with my son, and I tend to overthink, and birthdays do remind you of your own mortality. I mean I felt like I was in my twenties yesterday, and now 40 isn’t that far off. I am turning 38 to be precise  in exactly a week. I would like to celebrate but I am not sure what I am celebrating? Life so far? That I am getting older? That I still feel like things are a struggle personally and financially?

I get up most mornings feeling like I can conquer the world. Feeling like I can not only do this, I can own this. But by the end of the day I feel like my energy has been siphoned off and it is harder to be motivated. I feel frustrated. I should be grateful and happy with what I have but I always seem to hope for more and that is the recipe for unhappiness. Just like expecting things to go a certain way also adds frustration and stress.

I need to relearn to be happy with me. As I am right now. I am on a journey of self improvement and I am a work in progress. But right now in this moment, I am me and I am pretty damn good. I need to learn to love and accept myself with all my flaws before I can truly be happy and that has been a struggle as it is for people who were bullied as children.

It is just harder to trust your own judgment. You have to stop negative thoughts as they appear and stamp them out. It can be tiring. And, year after year, I still have to refocus on the positive things. The blessings of everyday life that are there to be cherished. Every day might not be sunshine and rainbows but neither is it raining.