Tag: nature

Sometimes my direction in life, especially when I was younger, was largely dependent on other people. I grew up in a stable household. My parents were married and still are and I grew up mostly in one house. We moved to another house when I was seventeen years old and that is where they are today. I have memories of the old house and I used to dream of buying it someday and fixing it up. It hasn’t worked out that way, at least not yet. I do not know what the future holds but I can’t see it happening anytime soon.

I lived in the same area went to schools in the town I grew up in. Sometimes I did envy the military brats or the people that would move from place to place. I never felt like I really got to start over. As a young adult I did move away a couple times but never very far. Furthest was two and a half hours away.

I did and still would like to see the world beyond my tiny corner. I do still have time to do that. I saw my life being different than it has turned out. I thought I would have a companion by now. Someone to share in adventures with, but that hasn’t turned out like I imagined either. Sometimes I feel like I am still waiting for something dramatic to happen to me instead of actively doing something.

I like writing but I haven’t managed to do anything with it. I need to go on an adventure myself and get going on living. I don’t want to have regrets when I look back on things and I want memories to cherish. I have been in a funk working too much and just surviving.

I’m hoping my vacation in July will be a sort of reset for me because I do need some direction. I feel I have been aimlessly floating down a lazy river but I am ready for something different.

When I look out the window here I see tons of cars going east and west. Tourist season is here in my small town. Businesses trying to get strangers to buy clothing and handmade crafts. I feel like they enjoy my town more than I do because to me it isn’t a travel destination but the place that is always here and always will be.

They get to see it with fresh eyes and I am a bit envious. It will get crazier in July when I will be gone. The tourists will still be here when I get back. They start to taper off in August, which makes September my favorite month here.

It is like a hidden month of summer that most don’t know about. You get all the perks of July and August without all the traffic and events. Seeing these people with their little shopping bags looking so carefree and happy makes me yearn for when it is my turn. I need to get away from this place and my job and breathe. I am getting burned out from work, and I need some time to recharge and be creative.

So what gives me direction? Sometimes it is the circumstances around me, family, employment, and survival, other times I crave more. I want to build and make something. Most of all I want people to share it with who value me and my thoughts. I guess love is a driving force for me. It is why I moved away and to where in the past. It is also why I moved back home. Love is a huge guiding force for me. Hope for the future and nature to renew my spirit are must haves for me.

Ideally I would be near a body of water. I like the sound even if it is just a creek. Water moving replenishes me. I need trees and blue skies. I couldn’t survive in a city permanently. I can visit, but I couldn’t just exist in a concrete jungle. I need green, and blue. I need life.

I go in the direction of being near my loved ones. But I also want to experience other places that I can learn and think about. I think sometimes you need to leave home to truly appreciate it even if it is only for a few days.