Tag: mental-health

Posted in Uncategorized

How Do I Relax?

Posted on by jennrae

I can relax in a few different ways. Sometimes it is as simple as taking a nap, or reading a book. Also, taking a hot bath with scented candles and just closing my eyes and letting my mind forget about everything is good.

Meditation can be good for stress relief. It can be hard to shut down my thoughts and it can take a bit to get to a place where I can just be.

When I get there though, it is peaceful and I can just imagine myself laying on a beach listening to the surf come in and out, rhythmically matching my breathing. I can smell the salt in the air and feel the cool breeze from the gentle wind. I can almost hear the seagulls crying.

I have a vivid imagination, but for me that is the most peaceful place I can just exist. Another option is in a wooded clearing with a creek or a brook going by and hearing the water rushing about and the songbirds chirping in the trees. I can just listen to the sounds of nature, very soothing.

Being outside and at the park is good as well. I like anywhere where I won’t be bothered by lots of people. I am not the most sociable. I need a lot of alone time to just chill.

Another way to relax for me is to watch a movie and eat ice cream. Something that is fun but doesn’t require too much thinking if I am stressed. It depends on my mood what I will watch. Sometimes I will binge a tv show if I have a lot of time and don’t feel well.

Or binge it over time, an episode a day. Also, timed writes or just journaling my thoughts or doodling little sketches can be relaxing for me. Sometimes I just need to get the thoughts out and then things are good.

Spending time with the kitties is a good stress reliever too. There is nothing quite like the unconditional love of a pet. They accept you as you are right now, no questions asked. They love you and don’t get annoyed very often, or for very long anyway. And, mine seem to know when I am having a rotten day.

They just know to be sweeter than normal. Especially the older cat. She will let you hug her, and cry into her fur, and she will purr and let you do it. She would have been an amazing therapy cat if she wasn’t so scared of people she doesn’t know. She is like a living stuffed animal, she will let you pick her up and hold her and she loves attention. She is like a Ragdoll breed in temperament.

The other one, is nice when she wants something from you. A little bit more transactional with KitKat, but if I am having a terrible time, she seems to be a bit nicer too.

Posted in Uncategorized

Tell Us About the Last Thing You Got Excited About…

Posted on by jennrae

The first thing that comes to mind is the Spacehog show. I had wanted to see them since I was a teenager, so seeing them now was a better late than never experience. And, it did not disappoint. I truly felt like it was definitely a highlight. They put on a high energy show and hadn’t seemed to have aged a whole lot. It is more of an experience rather than a thing however.

There was this dress at Nordstrom’s in 2007 that was a sort of watercolor floral print that I fell in love with. But it was expensive. Expensive to me at least. Probably 200 to 300 dollars which is more than I have ever paid for an item of clothing by a long shot. Needless to say, I didn’t buy it although I wanted to.

Ever since whenever I am in a thrift store, I look for this dress. Every time. I have gotten close a few times, but it is never quite it. It is like true love, I seek it, and I get close but not quite. I still hope I will run into this dress randomly, at the right time in the right place. I have searched online for it. I have looked into the windows of shops. I have even tried to look at Nordstrom’s website. It is elusive, but it haunts me.

I live in such an isolated area that hoping something magical arrives here is unlikely, but I continue to hope because I am a hopeless romantic at heart. I cannot help it. It is a part of my fabric to dream of the impossible and wish it to become reality. I have done that since I was a child. It is what draws me to writing.

Another thing I was excited about was my novel. When I was writing it I was on air, and I just wanted to write constantly. I was obsessed and if I didn’t have to work and eat I would have probably not stopped. It was only after it was finished that I saw the flaws and problems with it. No one could or would continue to read it. It crushed me. It seemed so wonderful and perfect while I was doing it.

When the dust settled I realized it was a meandering behemoth which could not, would not be corralled or tamed. I could not get it to work. It was thrown in the closet to rot for years. I have only recently dusted it off again. And, oddly, I can see the charm of it again. I can also see the issues. But, there are some gemstones amidst the rubble. I can see a glint here and there of the beauty of it that I had forgotten.

As far as objects go, it has been a while since an item got me excited. Certain people can and do, but stuff is stuff. It is hard for me to get excited about stuff, but when I find a movie I have been searching for, or put together my new shelving unit, it is exciting for a moment in time. I recently acquired Memento, which I had been searching for.

I was excited about that. I had just started to give up hope and then it was there, staring back at me from the shelf at Goodwill. It was kind of like I won a prize. My persistence paid off. It was worth waiting for. I could have just bought it on Amazon. I almost did. It feels better to find it in the wild though. Something about the hunt can be exhilarating. Clicking a button just isn’t the same.

I am still waiting for that dress to turn up, and a certain someone to pop up. I like to think I will know when I find it, and it will be amazing. Life is good. It only gets better from here. I am feeling optimistic. Being patient is hard for me, but I am learning that sometimes that is what I have to do.

Posted in Uncategorized

What Do You Love About Where You Live?

Posted on by jennrae

The area I live is very beautiful and close to all kinds of nature. It is the lavender capital of North America, and has three festivals from March to July. August and September are amazing months and the fall is my favorite time of year. If you want to see the city, it isn’t too far away. It is a short drive to Seattle, even shorter to the mall in Silverdale.

There are a lot of bike paths as well and it is pretty walkable. It can be a bit boring for the young people, and house prices are getting kind of expensive around here.

I feel like I’m slowly being priced out of where I grew up because there are so many people here from California, and Portland, and Seattle. Prices have been climbing, even rental prices have went up quite a bit. But, I plan on staying as long as I can afford to. We have mountains, and lakes nearby, on either side of us, plus other towns like Port Angeles and Port Townsend that can be fun to visit. Mostly though, I really like the proximity to the wilderness. I like all the trees. I like all the lavender everywhere.

Do I sometimes wish there were more of a music scene or more things to do? Sure. But, in the end there is a pretty cool park that is free that I can draw or write in, and plenty of coffee shops to bring the laptop to get away from KitKat who is presently demanding that I go to bed, immediately.

It is peaceful for the most part and crime isn’t bad. We are kind of isolated, even by Washington State standards, off on the Olympic Peninsula. But I sort of like that. I like that you have to discover us or get off the beaten path to figure out we’re here. It is like a secret. You have to get a secret invitation or know someone who knows someone to find out about us.

Posted in Life, Writing

What Brings You Peace?

Posted on by jennrae

I am thinking peace of mind. I do not have the power to enact peace on earth, and I have too much peace and quiet these days to want more of that. Sometimes reading a good book, or even a nice nap will bring me momentary peace. Meditation can do wonders as well. Sometimes music can bring me peace.

Lavender oil is very calming and peaceful. I have a ceramic stone I will put drops on for the cats if I know someone is coming over or something major is going on. Fireworks were particularly stressful recently for them.

Sometimes day dreaming can be soothing if I am able to do it, and can bring me peace. Or writing; it can be peaceful. Sometimes the timed writings where you don’t stop and think and correct things are the best for that because there is no pressure to fix anything. It just is.

I feel like I need some more internal peace. I get stressed over financial things easily and tend to want to put my head in the sand even though I know that isn’t helpful or even good idea.

Sometimes a good hearty meal or time with family or loved ones can bring me peace of mind. Just knowing there are people that care about you and think about you can be an amazing feeling. It is easy to overlook or forget this.

It is easy to take people for granted for always being there, until one day they aren’t. And then I am plagued with questions like why didn’t I visit more, or why did I let the minutiae of life get in the way of telling or showing someone I care? And now it is too late. I put off visiting and now I’ll never get to.

How many dear friends have I allowed to drift away because I just stopped reaching out? One is too many, and I have a terrible habit of getting lost in the grind. And, then when I need a shoulder to cry on, everyone has moved on and the dust has settled on all the memories and all I have left is peace and quiet. The kind of peace that I do not need more of.

Posted in Life, Writing

Describe One Habit That Brings You Joy

Posted on by jennrae

The obvious answer would be writing, but if that were true I would have a lot more done. I have a love hate thing with writing. While I am doing it in the moment it is the best feeling in the world. Getting me there is like the most difficult thing.

Once I am doing it, I am great, but getting there is difficult. I can’t explain why this is, it just is. I will put it off, and distract myself with a million other things all the while knowing I would feel better if I did some writing today. Even a timed write can brighten my mood. So, I don’t understand my reluctance or resistance that I feel before actually sitting down and writing.

I suppose it is related to my feelings of inadequacy. That my writing is terrible, or that the environment isn’t set up just so, or the mood is a little off. Or I just am not feeling what I am currently writing. I will find a way to make it not work or not worthwhile.

But if I can get sucked into the moment, then it is pure bliss. If I can get in the rhythm then there really is nothing else like it. When I am typing or writing it all seems inspired by the muses. It is only when I go back and look at it that I am like this is all nonsense crapola.

I have suffered from the perfectionist curse all my life, of nothing being good enough, so I just can’t do it at all. It is something I am fighting with still. On one level I know it is ridiculous and stupid. Doing anything is better than nothing. A half good project is better than a blank page. But, my brain isn’t run on pure logic. I am not an AI. So, the fact that I know this, but am still stuck by it, is part of the human experience that is being me.

Writing does bring me joy, so does listening to music, and driving my car with the window rolled down and feeling the wind blow my hair. Even if it is just for a moment before it gets annoying having my hair in my face. Little moments bring me joy all the time. When someone notices that I try to do my best or takes the time to complement my work even if it is mundane and boring. I do try to put thought and care into everything I do.

It is rare but sometimes people notice. Sometimes just going for a walk on a nice day enjoying the sunshine is enough to bring me joy, or having a conversation after watching a movie.

Sometimes just waking up in the morning and stretching and feeling all warm and cozy. Before you have to actually get up, that brief moment where things just seem fine and nothing has happened yet and you haven’t yet looked at the news on your phone. Just that warm feeling of waking up in a warm bed. I love that feeling.

Posted in Life, Writing

What Are Your Daily Habits?

Posted on by jennrae

Well, there are the boring ones, getting out of bed, brushing my teeth, brewing a pot of coffee if I have the day off. If I work I just use a Keurig pod and take a cup to go. I started taking a liquid vitamin to see if it helps with my hair. It appears to be working. My hair is amazing today. Of course, I brush my hair. I use a Waterpik flosser on my teeth.

I sometimes shower in the morning but I am more likely to shower in the evening before bed. I have to feed my Cat KitKat treats in her Kong ball before I go to work. She looks like a tiny kitten but is actually five years old. I feed them a can of meat around lunchtime which for me is eleven-ish most of the time, unless I am working out of town, in which case I can’t go home for lunch.

I also feed them a can of meat in the evening around 7pm. I usually make a sandwich for my lunch and brew another cup of coffee if I am going to work.

In the evening I either cook dinner or get something quick depending on the situation. Mondays are especially hectic, as my son is still in Scouts, and he sometimes has other commitments to his band, or football or now his own work since he is old enough.

Brush and floss teeth before bed, after a shower, brush my hair again. I brush my hair around lunch time too before going back to work, it can get frizzy, especially if it is humid.

At least once a week I go for a walk. Typically I go to the gym Tuesday through Friday for about an hour. I sometimes skip Friday. I’d say, I go Fri only half the time if I am being honest.

I also try to put moisturizer on my face in the morning, I have pm stuff I use if I shower at night. I try to post a video or post a blog at least once a day, although I have been failing the poor blog.

I want to get back to writing daily but I haven’t been the best at that. Working out of town threw my routine off and It is hard to get back to it.

I usually watch something in the evening that I end up recording a video on. Definitely on the weekends. I need to schedule something fun, or different.

I have plans to rearrange my room to make it feel more cozy. If I have a good place to write I think I would write more. If I am being honest, I probably read garbage on my phone way too much. If I wasted less time, I could get a lot more done.

Daily writing prompt
What are your daily habits?
View all responses

Posted in Life

What Advice Would You Give To Your Teenage Self?

Posted on by jennrae

I would probably tell myself that things will get better. That it isn’t the end of the world when a relationship doesn’t work out, that none of these guys are the “one.” Also to enjoy life, and that when you make a mistake it just takes you on a detour.

It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just an alternate sometimes longer or more difficult route that may end up in a similar destination. Our experiences are what makes us, us. And I wouldn’t waste too much time trying to convince myself on making better choices.

Maybe just help myself understand how to navigate things and how better to pick myself up. Your parents try to show you the way and tell you what you should do. Most teenagers do not listen to parents or teachers.

I think it is more important to give them the tools to make the decisions themselves and figure it out, because the one person they will listen to is themselves or their friends. The one factor that you can steer or control is your own mind, and that would be where any advice that is actually implemented would come from.

I wasn’t the type to just go along with what other’s said anyhow, friends or not. I was more likely to listen to my friends than others, but my actions were always my own, for good or bad. I would go my own way.

Do I have regrets? Yes, of course. Would any advice have made a difference? Probably not. Whatever will be, will be. Or to quote Lost, “whatever happened, happened.”

So, I have made peace with my past, the ugly parts, the petty parts, and the downright stupid parts. I am glad I am hear to continue my story, and relatively unscathed at that. So, I consider myself pretty lucky overall.

Daily writing prompt
What advice would you give to your teenage self?
View all responses
Posted in Life

What Relationships Have a Positive Impact on You?

Posted on by jennrae

I think most relationships have had a positive impact. Sometimes it doesn’t seem that way at the time, of course. At the time, feelings of pain, rejection or outright fear can make it hard to see the good in it. I have been responsible and have been on the receiving end of ending romantic relationships, and even friendships.

I admit to having some trust issues because I was naive most of my youth, and I still want to see the good in people. I want to believe there is something special and kind inside all of us. I am stubborn, so for the most part I still believe this.

I do not try to save anyone or fix anyone though. Change has to come from within a person. I do believe you have to take a person as they are at that moment. And, if the person cares enough, and want to, they can and will make changes for someone. But, they have to be the one who wants it, and I don’t believe in ultimatums.

If it comes to that, the relationship is all ready doomed. No one changes willingly due to threats. They just get more clever at hiding things and pretending, and eventually things fall apart because people can’t keep up the act forever.

I survived a domestic violence situation that could have gone horribly wrong. That lasted as long as it did because the person was a master manipulator and knew I had self esteem issues. He wasn’t an evil person, but his view of the world was pretty dark. And, in direct conflict with mine. He had some terrible experiences that made him believe everyone was greedy and self serving and out to hurt others.

He basically saw things the complete opposite of me. The positive impact it had on me was to realize that even when things get that dark, there is always a way out. There is always a chance to start again, and there are people you can count on. Luckily I had family that helped me out, and got me out of there. I did have to live in terror for a week or so before that while a restraining order was in place.

I learned a lot. I learned that there are a lot of people who do not think like me. They aren’t bad people necessarily, but their experiences have hardened them to the point where they cannot truly love or care, or even connect with someone else. They just pretend for as long as they can.

Friendships have had a positive effect on me because while they aren’t as intense, they tend to be there for you when things go south. I have had friendships that have sustained me through depression.

There is someone that to this day, I feel saved my life by refusing to go away when I tried everything to distance myself from everyone. Because she wouldn’t go away, I couldn’t go through with my plan to get rid of myself. I was only in middle school but I was convinced I was like a cancer that dragged everyone around me down. That I was worthless and just by existing was making everyone’s life worse.

I knew people would be sad, and I didn’t want that. So, I thought I could minimize the damage by distancing myself and that would make it easier for people to get over me. She didn’t care how grumpy I was, or how irritable, if I told her to go away, she would instead give me a hug. Everyone needs someone like that in their life. Someone that won’t give up on you no matter what.

Daily writing prompt
What relationships have a positive impact on you?
View all responses