Tag: letting go

Posted in Life

Letting Go is Hard, but Necessary

Posted on by jennrae

I drove by where I went to high school near my favorite coffee shop, and remembered how I lost a little ring right before graduation. I never had time to properly look for it, although I tried with the time I did have. It was small, and had a tiny blue sapphire. It wasn’t a real sapphire, just glass and some cheap metal. It was basically a dime store ring.

So, what was so special about this ring? The reason I wore it that day? I had owned that ring since I was five years old. It meant a lot to me, my mom gave it to me but I don’t remember how it came about. Was it my birthday? Was it just because I saw it and liked it? The details are lost, I just knew I had it for a very long time. It became a part of me. It went through all my trials and tribulations up to that point in my life. It transcended being a dime store ring, and became my childhood, culminating in my graduation.

So, what made me suddenly remember combing the concrete path near the old gym/auditorium as I drove by? I can’t say for sure, but a good guess is that I was subconsciously reminding myself that like back then, I am now also undergoing a transition. And, while it may not have been for so many years, I did have someone who journeyed with me for a year, who went through the trials and tribulations of my current life. Someone who I must now let go.

Like the ring, I spent all the time I could retracing my steps, hoping to find what I’d lost. But, eventually I used up all the time, and had to go on with my life, and accept that it was over, that the ring, or in this case, this special person’s journey with me had come to an end. It was time to start a new chapter of my life, one which I have no idea where it ends, or how. It’s an open-ended book, the possibilities are endless.

Don’t waste too much time looking for your dime store ring. The meaning you attach to it, is in the memories and events, not the item itself. Some things and some people disappear from your life, and accepting that they are gone and mourning the loss is a way to transition to better things, better times. Someday you will be able to drive by the area, and passively remember searching for the ring, and it will be just another memory.

Posted in Life, Uncategorized

Life is Good, or Life is What You Make it

Posted on by jennrae

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately. Reading about things like making decisions, how to move on, and how to be happy with how things are. Trying to think positive, and accept things as they are, not how I would like them to be, or how I wish they were. Reality is reality. And, reality isn’t that bad. Life is actually good. It is easy to get trapped into seeing the negative things, and overlook the positive. Even things like having a loved one leave your life abruptly, can actually bring good things into your life.

For me, it has been hard to stay optimistic. There are mornings where I wish I could magically get my old life back. I was happy, content. I really felt good, and didn’t desire more. But, it was perhaps my lack of wanting more that made it stale for the other person. I guess I will never know, and knowing that answer won’t change anything anyway. But, then I realize that the leaving was a catalyst for a lot of things I may not have started doing. Going back to school, starting an exercise regimen, writing more, even feeling flirtatious, and being able to spend time doing other things. Like quality time with my son, or even trying to set up a date, or just going out for the sake of going out. I don’t have to worry about entertaining someone else, or cooking for someone else, except my son and all he wants is mac and cheese or pancakes. It opened a lot of freedom for me, and is forcing me to look into my life and improve it.

The trick is to not get stuck in the past, or the woulda coulda shoulda’s. And I have to fight that every day. It is difficult to accept that someone can love you one day, and leave you the next. You feel like that happens when you do something wrong, for example:  lie, cheat, be disrespectful. You don’t prepare yourself for them just deciding it isn’t a good fit for them. You aren’t a shoe, or a sweater. You are a person. If they loved you, they would try everything in their power to make it work right? Not necessarily. And you will never know what’s going on in their head, and you will never know why. And the really great news is….you don’t need to. Because it doesn’t matter. What matters is you know that you tried, that you gave it your all. That you didn’t give up on them. That you treated them right, and that you deserve better. 🙂