My life has been littered with small kind moments. So many that it is hard to focus on one. I think I remember a time when I was frazzled and dealing with a toddler, and I forgot my wallet at home and went to the grocery store. I wasn’t getting a lot of items but it was enough, and going all the way home, much like going out at the time, was an event. I think a total stranger paid for my items and told me not to worry about it.
I hate that I can’t remember much else besides this basic fact. Back then a lot of things were a blur. I was and am, a single mom. I had help from family. I wasn’t completely alone, still my mind sometimes just couldn’t function at one hundred percent.
I don’t remember what I bought, I can’t recall the details about the person. I barely remember the incident. It is like it happened in another lifetime. I can’t think of a more recent kind act, but I know there have been some. My mind tends to focus on the negative for whatever reason. So, I remember all the times someone was rude to me but have trouble recalling when they have been nice.
Someone did complement me on my earrings, and it threw me, because I wasn’t sure how to respond except with the kind of lame, thanks. Sometimes I am a bit of a social alien. I have had to learn how to interact with people the hard way. Sometimes I remember what I should say and sometimes it is so unexpected that I forget what I am supposed to say.
Socialness does not come naturally to me. I am naturally a little feline like, independent and require lots of alone time. Unfortunately, this makes it difficult for me to make or keep friends as they rightfully require attention much like houseplants that I end up killing because I forget their needs.
I don’t mean to be selfish, it just takes me more thought process to interact. I need reminders and most people take no communication as a sign of disinterest. I just don’t want to bother people, and tend to get lost in the moment of whatever is in front of me. When I really need someone, usually there is no one there because of this. Or I don’t feel like it is appropriate of me to ask something of someone when I have been away for so long.
I’ve been more fortunate than I even realize. I guess there hasn’t been one single event or moment, but many tiny moments of kindness. I remember being brought to tears by someone being kind to me. I am having trouble remembering why. But I know I have felt immense gratitude in my life. When I needed a place to live, and I was going to the food bank, I met someone that became my landlord for a bit. I was scared and she was compassionate. That was definitely a kindness.
My family is kind to me and have helped me when I needed it, but I feel like at least in my family, that is sort of expected. Still, I am grateful that I have them. Had I been truly all alone I am not sure I would still be here. I feel for those without family. They are a rock I can count on even when I have been a stranger. They are the most understanding people. They know I’m a bit of a weirdo, but they love me anyway. I am so grateful for that.
The Infamous Jennisfora Strikes Again...or something like that 