Tag: change

Posted in Life, Writing

What Could You Do Differently?

Posted on by jennrae

That is hard to answer. I could do a lot of things differently. How I approach my writing, my web page, or even people I meet on the street. I usually skip breakfast, I can get ready for work pretty quickly. I am not one of those girls who primp for hours in front of a mirror. I can get ready in like fifteen minutes. And, be out the door. I don’t like to keep people waiting, and I like to be on time. I am a punctual person.

It does mean that I usually have coffee for breakfast, but then my lunch is kind of early. I have lunch when some eat breakfast. Late breakfast, but still early lunch. I have been going to the gym consistently, but I could probably add or vary my routine.

I plan on cutting down on my sugar intake, just still have a lot of garbage from the holidays laying around. Once, that is gone, I am planning on it staying gone.

I could be more organized. My room and my life is sort of chaotic at the moment. I could use more structure. I plan on structuring my time in order to be a bit more efficient.

I need to plan a new story and it just won’t happen if I don’t set aside a time slot for it. I am also trying to focus more on what I all ready have, instead of pining for what I don’t.

I need to be more grateful for the abundance that is all ready here. I need to get this writing gig off the ground so I can get away from a work environment that is at times hostile and not always good for my mental health.

But, I can’t wait for someone to step in and save me. I have to save myself. I have to try harder, and do more. More efficiency and better time management are definitely something to work on. Healthier habits will have healthier outcomes. I need to knuckle down and do the hard work. I need to do this for me.

Daily writing prompt
What could you do differently?
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Posted in Life, Uncategorized

Moving On With Life

Posted on by jennrae

I had plans to do a lot of posts around Zelazny and others, and it didn’t happen because I found out I had to move unexpectedly. I hadn’t moved in eight years and I always had a sentimental side anyway, so over time I accumulated a lot of unnecessary stuff.

Basically, I had to give up a lot. My entire paperback collection and other items. Some disappeared when some people helped me move. I can’t prove who but one box of valuable items that cannot be replaced was lost.

My only regret was not going through stuff at least once a year. It always seemed like tomorrow things would get done. Tomorrow was always a day away. I guess I would have liked to have done things with more planning and less suddenly but now I am moved I feel better. So that is what I have been up to, plus a camping trip and a birthday party for my son and father’s day. And, now back to the work week.

One thing I learned about this experience is that in the end the stuff is just stuff. The crystal vase from my now deceased Grandma isn’t my Grandma, but only a crystal vase. The rings I lost, an engagement and a wedding ring from a marriage that didn’t work out, well, maybe that needed to happen. Maybe this all had to happen to get me ready for a new life.

The phoenix needs to go through the fire to be reborn. The phoenix has always been one of my favorite mythological beasts, perhaps this constant rebirth is part of the reason why. I have tried to reinvent myself so many times.  Maybe letting go is the part that I haven’t fully completed. Maybe this time will be the best time. Here’s to hoping, and thank you all for following. More posts will be coming.

Posted in Life, Uncategorized, Writing

Happy New Year! And a Quick Overview of My Goals and My Fight with Social Anxiety

Posted on by jennrae

Another year will die tonight and the new year will be born. I love New Year’s because I love the ability to start over and renew myself and who I am. I always feel like it is a good time to embrace change and forgive myself for my failings. It is a good time; a new time. And, I usually embrace it.

I feel pretty happy with life in general right now. Sometimes I feel perhaps a bit too isolated due to my constant fight with social anxiety and the ability to enjoy life and working way too  much. It is funny but I love one on one interactions, it is the larger groups of people that make me nervous. I know that the crowd won’t hurt me, but the anxiety can be so intense that I have the desire to flee running from the building, and I have. I have actually ran out of more than one building. If I stay, I must really really care. A lot. Because it is sheer terror, so, if I stay for you, yeah, it is something monumental. It means a lot, I don’t do that for many people.

I have been forcing myself to be braver and take more risks and force myself to sit in crowds in church, and other places. It is a struggle, like always, but dealing with irrational phobias usually is because they are irrational by nature.

Sometimes writing in a coffee shop can be energizing because of the conversations swirling around me but then I am separate from the crowd. I am safely ensconced by my computer while they engage in human interaction as I silently observe and take mental notes for future dialogue possibilities or character traits.

Somehow I can stay, maybe the laptop is  magical. Or maybe it is my shield from the world encroaching on me, suffocating me. I am going to attempt to attend a New Year’s party, wish me luck, and partly I am doing this to attempt to end the phobia by exposure to the cause of the fear. Maybe it has helped, but the anxious feeling seems to always be there, it never goes away completely. Maybe it never will.

My motto for this year and my goals are simple. Write more, at least something daily, stay in shape, and strive to be a better human by conquering my fears and experiencing success. I also hope to find love, preferably amazing true love, but you know, maybe I am asking for a bit too much for one year. To all that pass this way, good fortune, and may your dreams come true and much success for you and your loved ones!

*hugs* from JennRae