Posted in Life, Writing

What Is One Thing You Would Change About Yourself?

Mentally, I would like to be more disciplined. It is a struggle to keep motivated sometimes. I try to not to procrastinate, but there are days where I struggle. I wish it was easier to stay focused and on task.

Physically, I’m working on it. Basically get in better shape, financially also a work in progress, but working on it. Trying to create healthy habits all around so that I feel better about where I am going and that I am getting there. So far so good. I can’t complain about too much right now. Just gotta keep it up which is the key to success. I admit to not getting much if any writing done today. And, I slipped up on the social networking on X as well.

I’ll be honest, this is going to be difficult because this is the busy season for my day job, and I can be downright exhausted at the end of the day, plus sometimes I do not get the long lunch hour I normally get. I can’t even go home for lunch. It is just starting to ramp up, but I can feel it arriving very soon. It has definitely begun. I work for a large employer who has to do with mailing packages and such. That is as specific as I am going to get because they are weird about social media and I am not representing work on here in any way, shape, or form. End of that disclaimer.

Just saying I may have quiet days coming up because it will be a challenge and a possible roadblock. I guess If I was independently wealthy and could just focus on writing that would be awesome. At least on paper.

I have found when I take a vacation with the intent of getting a bunch of writing done, that I waste a lot more time and I am a lot less productive. So, me being in charge of my schedule doesn’t seem like it would be a winner. I may be the type of person that requires a deadline or a limitation of some sort to thrive. I always did best when I turned that final paper in for college at the last minute and pulled an all-nighter to get it done. It is like the pressure is good for me, even though it can be anxiety inducing.

Daily writing prompt
What is one thing you would change about yourself?
Posted in Fiction, Writing

Time to Write — The Big Bad Bird

The crunch of brittle bones underneath her feet reminded her of where she was. The cave entrance was clammy and dark. The beam from her flashlight only traveled so far, illuminating one part of the massive wall. She could hear little skittering noises of some unknown critter running away from her obvious human footsteps. Her assistant cowered behind her slightly. She could hear his breathing and hear his steps.

“Just a little further, Wally. I know we are getting close.”

“Why does it have to stink so bad?” She shook her head and chuckled. She knew he would rather be in cozy office building or even a lab building. Anyplace with heat and light and less scurrying noises.

“Don’t worry. The blonde girl in front of you will protect you from the big bad bird.”

“Oh, whatever.” She heard him say under his breath, annoyed. He was such a child.

“Are you getting any of this? We should try to record as much as possible. Who knows when we will be allowed back.”

“The lighting is less than ideal, but I am trying.”

They ventured further in and the space got tighter. Hopefully there would be some eggshells or feather samples. A loud squawk could be heard outside suddenly. She stopped and waited. “Did you hear that, Wally?”

“Yeah. I don’t like it.”

She went against the wall slowly, motioning him to follow. She placed her fingers to her mouth in a quiet gesture. Wally followed her against the wall. She turned the flashlight off. He gasped, and she could feel his eyes on her. They held still and heard loud scratching and squawking as the bird creature entered the cave.

It seemed large, from the talon scratching although they had no light to see it. She gripped Wally’s hand, giving him a reassuring squeeze. Luckily, most birds don’t have a keen sense of smell. Although, vultures can smell decay. This creature was unknown. It was hard to say what its skills were. She made a silent prayer to God, even though it had been a while. It was an instinct to reach out to something somewhere.

She heard it scrape by its talons and heard it scrape the ground with its beak like a large chicken. Wally’s foot slipped slightly and skidded a rock which made a not so subtle noise. She heard the bird stop, and come back around slowly.

She tried to regulate her breathing to be quiet, but it was getting more difficult by the minute. It approached their wall slowly, she could hear the click clack of its talons. Her legs began to go numb from being in the same position and suddenly she dropped the flashlight.

She heard Wally scream and heard him go down. In a panic she found herself running to the cave entrance, and then felt a searing pain in her ankle, and she crashed into the bones. Then it was upon her, and she could feel the pain from the gouges until her mind completely shut down and spared her the additional pain.

Posted in Writing

What Technology Would You Be Better Off Without, Why?

Smart appliances and smart devices. I feel like the more app focused things in a house or a car, or anything really, the more dependent we are on technology doing things and thinking for us. A good example would be something like Google Maps.

I have noticed a decline in navigation skills in a lot of younger people, and even myself. I have gotten used to the app, and no longer pay as much attention to the actual roads or try to investigate alternate routes. And then the app gets confused in an alley and I can’t figure out my own way out of it.

I guess I feel any technology that can cause dependence or less cognitive function can be bad in the long run. We need to foster critical thinking and problem solving and increasingly this app based tech encourages less thinking and less problem solving which if it were to continue to get integrated into our lives may eventually make us unable or unwilling to figure out solutions.

Eventually all technology and civilizations stumble and fall. If it has a beginning, it inevitably has an end. If it were to end with us unable to problem solve, we would be unable to rebuild and it would be an ugly end. Or perhaps the people who could rediscover these skills would be the only people that could survive.

Daily writing prompt
What technology would you be better off without, why?
Posted in Fiction, Writing

Time to Write — Belief

She slowly shut the car door, defeated from a long dull day at work. Her feet took heavy steps toward the small brick house with the tidy yard. Her eyes looked up and saw the door wide open. She ran up the steps and peered inside. It sounded quiet but also looked emptier than she remembered. The tv was gone, the couches, the computer, even the fan and the kitchen table.

She was left with an empty house. She fell down and cried in despair. Why me? Why now? This wasn’t fair. She didn’t have a lot that she cared about. She went about each room in the house mentally cataloging what was missing. There were clothes left strewn about the floor along with papers from the desk drawer. The antique box given to her by her deceased grandma, gone. She reached into her coat pocket to call the police to report the theft, speaking calmly, drained of emotion or energy.

“I need to report a robbery. I’ll make a list. No, I don’t think anyone else is here. ” The police were on the way. She sat down on the bedroom floor dumbfounded. How was she going to explain this to Eric when he got home from high school? How would she replace all this stuff? She remembers thinking renter’s insurance was a waste of money. She rocked herself anxiously on the floor, wrapping herself in her coat like a cocoon. It was going to be all right. It’s just stuff. It will be fine. They will find the stuff, catch the person. At least no one was hurt.

The police took her statement, and she made a list of missing items, thinking about her son who would be home soon. They left and she waited. She knew she should eat something, or do something, call somebody. But she was paralyzed. She sat there. The sky darkened and her son still wasn’t home. She reluctantly got up. Picked up her phone again to give him a call. The phone went straight to voice mail. It was off then. Where was he? She called her mom hoping she had heard from him, no such luck. “Can I come over? This place is empty and depressing, and I don’t know what to do.”

“Of course, honey.” Her mom said with concern. She walked out of the house locking the door behind her out of habit. Her phone rings suddenly startling her. She answers reluctantly. It is the police. She can’t have any more bad news today.

“We have your son and two of his friends here. They admitted to the burglary and breaking into the house. “

“I don’t believe you.”

But she knew it was true. It explained everything. She just didn’t want to believe it.

Posted in Writing

Do I trust my instincts? Hmmm. Maybe…

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes there isn’t a right or wrong outcome. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt when I meet them. I have regretted it before, but I have also been pleasantly surprised by it. I think I would rather take a chance on something or someone than wonder what if, later.

I do try to use the information I do have to make an educated guess. I tend to be cautious and like to have a more complete picture of things before I make a decision. Sometimes, I can be downright indecisive. Most of the time I waver. Definitely if there are long term consequences that would be tough to unravel easily.

Daily writing prompt
Do you trust your instincts?
Posted in Life, Uncategorized, Writing

It has been awhile…

Trying to get back on the horse again. Life has a way of distracting you from things that matter. I tend to get caught up in the daily grind and get a little lost. My happiness has been a bit low, and one of the reasons is I haven’t been writing or drawing. I need to refuel the tank and get back to where I feel productive.

I’m sorry to all the people I disappeared on around 2019. I tend to sabotage myself and financially I’ve had other priorities.

Anyway, I appreciate any visitors and I promise to start writing some stories. JenRae.

Posted in Uncategorized, Writing

Time To Write… Vacant

Looking around the room would leave most with the impression that no one lived here. It would be a kindness to call it a sterile environment. Furnishings were sparse and bare, one drab grey colored rug in the center of the floor, a solitary wooden chair sitting in the corner. An ancient television on a plain wooden stand against a wall and one of those tall lamps with a nondescript beige shade and a brass strand you pull to turn it on.

There were a couple small windows letting in a sliver of light. Off white curtains were hung up on both blocking most of the light, with a hint of a cobweb in the corner of one.

The place was too quiet. It was eerie. You expected poltergeists or something, maybe bats or mice, or something to crawl out of somewhere. Slam a door, or wind to gust creepily in from an open window. Instead, everything was silent.

The report stated that a small pale face was seen peeking out one of the windows. In a place that had been vacant for years. It was assumed the child was a runaway, or a homeless waif, or perhaps was a scared lonely little soul that had been lost or was abducted. But, there was no trace of anyone. Dust covered the floors and corners, and the fridge was empty, except some mold from something long ago. There was no bed, or table.

The county records show the property had been foreclosed on, and it was repossessed by the bank and had been listed for sale for quite some time. There were water stains on the ceiling, and some water damage behind the toilet. Otherwise, there wasn’t much that was in disrepair. It was just empty.

There were no crumbs, or fingerprints in the dust. Perhaps the person thought they saw someone when they didn’t? Perhaps, I hated to say it, as I waved the flashlight around the small room, it was a ghost?

A preposterous idea. I almost wanted a sound, any sign of life. Something, anything. We waited a few minutes more, before we took another walk around the property. The yard was overgrown. It looked like an old swing set was somewhere in there, but the black berry bushes had grown to the point where most of it was hidden. A child lived here once, but it did not look like it was recent.

“What do you think, Andre? Is it possible to have multiple sightings of someone that was never here, or is it more likely we have a small person who leaves no trace behind them? Maybe the witnesses are

in on some weird prank. If so, I do not think it is funny.”

“No one is that bored. Why waste our time? Besides, I would hope they would do something at least a little bit funny. This? A waste of time, and boring as hell.”

“Well, I guess we should examine the yard. There could be someone hiding in this mess, and we probably wouldn’t know it. It seems the bank gave up on selling this place.”

“I think they have it listed as land. I think the house is pretty much toast, but then I am no realtor. So, who knows.”

We both scanned the tall grass with our flashlights, listening for something small and scared. It was getting darker, and if there were a child out here it would be getting awfully cold soon, with no heat in the house, or blankets. And, who knows what out here.

Coyotes for sure, and maybe something much worse, I thought to myself, part of me hoping to find something or someone just to have the day have some kind of achievement. A meaning, we were doing this for a reason and not wasting our time or resources.

Someone’s child may be out here, alone. Starving, freezing. scared. I was that child once. I remembered it all too well. Parts of it, anyway. Some parts, I sealed off from myself. Some families do more harm than good. That was why I went into this business after all. I wanted to help children who were in horrible situations. Like I wished someone had done for me.

 

Posted in Life, Uncategorized, Writing

It’s Been Awhile…

I have a lot of catching up to do, I know. I let life carry me away, and time management has always been a struggle for me. However, it just gets harder with every day I go without writing something. So, here I am. Back where I started. One of my idols, Ursula K LeGuin has passed away and I find myself struggling with just everyday life.

Dishes and laundry and playing chauffeur for my son and his much more exciting life, plus the Postal Service which can easily take a good chunk of time just by itself. But, in the end it is all excuses. You can make time for things that matter to you.

Perhaps I have found myself struck dumb with a severe case of apathy. I wonder if Ursula ever felt that, or did writing just flow all the time? I’ll never meet her, so I suppose I will never know for sure, although I have many books about writing by her. The answer may well be in one of those.

Maybe it is just laziness, maybe I don’t know, I secretly do not want to be happy. Maybe I don’t know how to be happy for long.

I hope any who still pass by this way forgive me for my rambling. I was partly inspired by the new Amazon series Electric Dreams, inspired by Philip K Dick, another author I envy. I liked all the episodes, some were more inspired than others. But the ones dealing with reality and being an other really resonated with me.

I don’t know how closely they follow the source material, because it has been a while since I read the stories, and some of them didn’t list which they were inspired by. Either way, they were interesting, and I am glad I saw them.

I also took the plunge and updated my laptop to windows 10. Unfortunately, I cannot find my copy of Office, which is the writing program I am used to using, and new copies are such an expensive proposition. Plus, I am so fond of this dear old laptop, but apparently windows 10 does not have a driver for my video card which is built into the motherboard. I can’t upgrade it, although I have upgraded everything else on this friendly dinosaur.

So, I have had  a few issues. Although, like the rest of this ramble, it is just more excuses. I will do better. I need to for myself. New Writing coming soon.

Posted in Uncategorized, Writing

The Price of Gentrification

The leaves glittered a pretty gold green color, the wind ruffling them gently in the breeze. Blue skies and fluffy white clouds and serene sidewalks and dark green lamp posts and the occasional wooden bench dotted the landscape punctuated occasionally by a eggplant colored trashcan and a black car.

Perfectly landscaped shrubs shielded an impressive wooden fence guarding an impressive building of modern architecture, all red and grey and covered in various angles and degrees. Very very edgy. Modern. Definitely modern.

Every plant and shrub and piece of cement was immaculate and like new. The place was perfect. Too perfect. You almost looked for the error, for the mistake, for the hole. The red and grey had orange panels between, but you can tell it was planned, it was no accident.  There was no graffiti, no broken pavement.

It was like an oversized doll house. It didn’t look like it had been used. It was too new. You almost expected it to have that new car smell. Kind of a weird rubber tire smell, the kind that says there is something plastic and shiny here that hasn’t been corrupted by human stink yet.

Totally mechanical, and unused. But the air was fresh, with a hint of lavender in the air.  The windows were all various sizes and different heights. It was like the building was trying too hard to be edgy. It had accomplished that all ready, yet it was still trying to one up itself.

Why? What for? What was the purpose for it? What need or use did this random patchwork angled thing assist in? Did this color scheme somehow make the building more efficient? Was it more economical to heat because of it?

This building was built by and for the city, an administrative building created with no expense spared to look as glaringly new and different as possible. It would not settle and become one with the buildings around it, oh no, it was an individual.

Housing for the homeless was torn down and moved and gotten rid of so this beautiful monstrosity could squat over the entire block, housing no one, only fitting worker bees inside a useful building with a flamboyance that was beyond useful or necessary. The bill of course being footed by the people and for the people, because they deserve the best, except for those homeless sods, of course they should just leave. They are no longer welcome here in our pretty perfect town.

No more emergency shelter for them, the city needed a sharply angled giant building plus plaza to take up the entire area, this was more important, and the building showed it. It looked important and impressive. It was large, and expensive. And there would be no beds in there. Lots of rooms, but no beds. Lots of benches too. And trees. And the sun was shining with blue sky and fluffy clouds.

And everyone could see the impressive modern building in all its multicolored glory, no remnant of the sad apartment complex that used to be there. All the living and breathing and dying and eating, all that living moved somewhere, anywhere else. Now, this looked unused, like new, there would be working here but no living, no dying, no eating. Just working.

Posted in Uncategorized, Writing

About Time And That One Guy Who Sailed in 1492…

I have the day off thanks to Columbus. Probably the only job I’ve ever had that gave me Columbus day off. It isn’t much of a holiday here. Controversial to some, and to others it is a “bank holiday,” or an excuse for some places to close. We have no statues in my town, and do no parades here. I worked for a bank here and I always had to work on Columbus day. So, it is a quasi holiday, it is there, but it isn’t really celebrated, at least not much here.

I realize there are places that do, like New York has a parade, and I read it is a big deal in Puerto Rico. I have Italian heritage. I do not feel especially threatened if they get rid of this holiday. Columbus was born in Italy, he was Italian, but he served Spain, and died in Spain.

He also never set foot on the continent. So, his “discovery of America” if you discount that he thought he found a short cut to India, and that the Vikings as well as the indigenous people were here before him, just never really rang true.

However, I have also read a lot of articles today attributing genocide and all the native populations being decimated by disease and everything that came after Columbus being attributed to him.

The deaths of the Taino people on Hispaniola can be laid at his door. I think it is a stretch to add all the rest to him. He couldn’t have foreseen the small pox epidemic that decimated the north American tribes. He didn’t even set foot here, remember? He thought he was in India the whole time. He would have had no way of knowing the far reaching repercussions his “discovery” would have, and there is no sane way to blame him for all the atrocities that would come later.

He was a guy with three ships who underestimated the size of the world, and shared the mentality of his time that “savages” were lesser men. We can think of that in horror now, but in his day it was quite normal.

Rudyard Kipling of “Just so Stories”  and the “Jungle Book” fame had some writings describing ethnic people in a kind of racist or patronizing way. I still love some of these stories, although his British Imperialism now colors them all in a tainted sort of way. And it was this view of superiority, that Europeans had a god given right to govern the lesser peoples and guide them to being civilized that is so hard to stomach now.

This was a time where people looked to the church for answers, not science. And, it was a debate whether these people had souls or not,  because they weren’t mentioned in the Bible. It was a different time, and to say Columbus and his men were ignorant would be obvious. They knew nothing about these lands, or their people, and made a lot of assumptions. Of course, not knowing anything about germs, and how disease and immune systems work, they would have no idea that they were spreading disease just by coming there.

You cannot assume 21st century morality and science and put it on a person of another era. It is like expecting a cave man to know how to drive a car. People should be examined in context with their time, as the culture they are in will of course, naturally affect their thinking and how they act toward others.

In our current time, we act differently. There is an island, off the coast of India that has an indigenous tribe that has not been directly interacted with except for a handful of times. They want to be left alone and attack on site and the government of India has forbade anyone from going to the island or even within a certain amount of feet of it.

Besides respecting the islanders desire to be left alone, it was also indicated that the decision took into account that any interactions could cause disease and a ravaging of the population, also the language barrier and hostility.

A couple fisherman were killed and dismembered because they drifted too near the island, so the safety of not only the inhabitants but also of the outsiders had to be considered.

Instead of trying to civilize or bring these people to Jesus, it was decided that it was best to just leave them alone. I feel that some people seem to think Columbus could have or should have been capable of making a decision like that without the necessary information that the modern government of India has currently.

This is in fact preposterous. You can’t assume someone from that era can understand how disease works. In addition, the religious culture of the period, you have to bring people to Jesus or they die in eternal torment. It was your duty as a Christian to bring them to Christ if possible. As far as slavery is concerned, there was some that thought the inhabitants did not have souls, so enslaving them was okay.

The Catholic church eventually decided they did indeed have souls and asked the Spanish King to not treat the people harshly and to bring them to Christ.

However, this was decided after Columbus’s voyages and his crew did not always obey him when he implored them to not be too harsh, and it was apparent that none of these native people’s had weapons or a way to protect themselves from the invaders.  Unfortunately, as often happens, the strong destroy the weak.

The Europeans of this age were just as savage if not more so than the islanders.  The islanders were just living their lives and did not ask for any of this.  I feel their pain does deserve to be recognized, and I think our society still has much to learn.

The British and the United States that came after treated its native peoples horribly. But, I cannot realistically lay that at Columbus’ door. Sure, this all followed his voyage, but, realistically, there is just no way that he could have foreseen all of this. That is a lot of historical anguish to lay at one man’s door. Columbus wasn’t Hitler. He wasn’t even Mussolini.

He was kind of a Charles Lindbergh of his day. By the way, Lindbergh said some awful things about Jewish people. People can do amazing things, and still be jerks. People can do awful things, and still be celebrated for the things they did right.

Should Columbus be celebrated? I am not sure. He did travel a long way in three small ships. I probably couldn’t have done that. In fact, I know I couldn’t back then, being a  woman.  But, that is something. If he hadn’t stumbled onto the islands, someone eventually would have. The Europeans would have landed eventually, bringing their diseases with them. Maybe the name would have been different.