Category: Life

Posted in Life, Writing

What Is One Thing You Would Change About Yourself?

Posted on by jennrae

Mentally, I would like to be more disciplined. It is a struggle to keep motivated sometimes. I try to not to procrastinate, but there are days where I struggle. I wish it was easier to stay focused and on task.

Physically, I’m working on it. Basically get in better shape, financially also a work in progress, but working on it. Trying to create healthy habits all around so that I feel better about where I am going and that I am getting there. So far so good. I can’t complain about too much right now. Just gotta keep it up which is the key to success. I admit to not getting much if any writing done today. And, I slipped up on the social networking on X as well.

I’ll be honest, this is going to be difficult because this is the busy season for my day job, and I can be downright exhausted at the end of the day, plus sometimes I do not get the long lunch hour I normally get. I can’t even go home for lunch. It is just starting to ramp up, but I can feel it arriving very soon. It has definitely begun. I work for a large employer who has to do with mailing packages and such. That is as specific as I am going to get because they are weird about social media and I am not representing work on here in any way, shape, or form. End of that disclaimer.

Just saying I may have quiet days coming up because it will be a challenge and a possible roadblock. I guess If I was independently wealthy and could just focus on writing that would be awesome. At least on paper.

I have found when I take a vacation with the intent of getting a bunch of writing done, that I waste a lot more time and I am a lot less productive. So, me being in charge of my schedule doesn’t seem like it would be a winner. I may be the type of person that requires a deadline or a limitation of some sort to thrive. I always did best when I turned that final paper in for college at the last minute and pulled an all-nighter to get it done. It is like the pressure is good for me, even though it can be anxiety inducing.

Daily writing prompt
What is one thing you would change about yourself?
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Posted in Life

What Are Your Feelings About Eating Meat?

Posted on by jennrae

I have mixed feelings about eating meat. For a very long time I wouldn’t eat beef, or lamb. I still don’t eat lamb or veal. Avoiding red meat wasn’t hard, I did it as a kid. I wish I could say it was about the animals, but at the time it wasn’t. I just didn’t like steak and hamburger, and it would make me gag. Something about the gristle and fatty bits would make me retch. So, I wasn’t a fan of most meat.

The only meat I would eat consistently was turkey or chicken. We raised birds, but we didn’t usually butcher and eat our chickens. I think my mom got attached and it would’ve been like eating a pet, better to get the ones we didn’t know from the store.

But I didn’t have any ethical concerns at that age. I could easily divorce the product from the animal, especially because I didn’t do much, if any, of the cooking. Now, I can eat hamburger without retching, and so I now occasionally eat beef. I still don’t eat it everyday. But now that I am older I also hear and learn more about how the animals used for slaughter are treated.

So, now I have ethical concerns, especially with chicken. The idea of living your whole life in a small box. That is actually what inspired the Alice In Chains song “Man in the Box.” It is kind of horrific. Nowadays, I still eat mostly poultry, occasional beef. But rarely pork. But it is hard, I have to cook the chicken, and I can see what it used to be. I applaud those that can not eat meat.

I don’t eat it everyday, I like a lot of vegetarian style meals, but sometimes it is less expensive to have chicken and rice if I am feeling less than adventurous. I always say a sort of internal prayer to the meat like “I’m sorry, and I’m thankful that you gave up your life so I can eat. I hope you didn’t suffer too much.”

At least I get the eggs from my mom’s chickens which are spoiled rotten. They eat better and have more enrichment than some people. And, they die peacefully of old age when their time comes. I do think the eggs taste better for it. There isn’t any fear, there is a richer flavor, and the yolk is more orange than yellow suggesting they are getting a better diet.

If I didn’t live in the middle of town I would have chickens in a heart beat, bantams, just because they are smaller. I don’t know if I could butcher and eat them. I am a bit soft hearted like my mom. Maybe if civilization comes crashing down and I have to live like the old days I could find the inner strength to do that to survive. But, until then I will just do the best I can and be grateful for the food I do have. I try not to waste any food, because I know it can be hard to come by, and I know the animal made the ultimate sacrifice. I don’t want it to be in vain.

Daily writing prompt
What are your feelings about eating meat?
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Posted in Life

What’s the Hardest Decision You’ve Ever Had to Make? Why?

Posted on by jennrae

The hardest for me was to admit I needed help and to move back to my hometown when I was pregnant. I have always been very stubborn, and very independent. So, admitting I was out of my depth and needed help was very hard. And, dealing with it all by myself was too much. I needed to be closer to my family and I needed the support. I had left a very ugly domestic violence situation and so was very isolated.

So, I was very alone, and the stakes were very real. It was the best decision I made because sometimes you have to admit you need other people and I really don’t know what would have happened to me had I stayed over there. I’ve made a lot of dumb decisions or at least questionable ones in the past. I kind of learn by stumbling around figuring things out as I go. Someone was looking out for me to give me the wisdom I needed in that moment. I believe that.

Daily writing prompt
What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?
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Posted in Fiction, Life

Time To Write — Where Is Here?

Posted on by jennrae

What is love? What is a feeling? Does it matter? Do we matter?

I wanted to say resoundingly, “Yes! Of course.” But then tomorrow there would be bills to pay, work to do, and the minutiae of everyday life. The things that can get in the way of the more exciting and wild life that I crave. It is like a slow death walking through the grocery store picking up this and that, deciding yes, I want to try that cocoa cereal, or I need the circular ice cube tray because it is there, and why not?

And then I am home with my circular ice cubes thinking, why did I buy this? Who cares about the shape of ice cubes? Then my mind wanders thinking about people who may not have easy access to water. They would probably love to have ice cubes, no matter the shape. Everything is just so commercial here. Commoditized for consumption. You don’t like that sweater, throw it away and get another. Don’t feel like cooking tonight? Order in.

I feel chained to a job I do not love to pay bills for things I may not need so I can live a life I find dull. I want adventure. To be swept off my feet and taken to an exotic location. Someone that holds me and listens to me complain about nothing. I feel like a train passenger in my own life, only the conductor never stops and I can’t get off.

Please let me off here, I want to enjoy this moment a little longer please. No response. He keeps going and ten years pass, and then another five, and I am wondering, what happened? Where did the time go? Why am I here? Where is here? And, then when I figure it out, it will be too late.

Posted in Life

If You Didn’t Need Sleep, What would you do with all the Extra Time?

Posted on by jennrae

I actually haven’t been sleeping much. Just too excited with all these plans for all these things, and with the way twitter and my website are doing. I’m just really pleased so far how things are going.

That being said, I would probably write and post round the clock. Everyone might get sick of it, I don’t know. I would probably be ready to publish something. Maybe more than one something.

My house would probably be spotless too. I had a brief stint when I was unemployed, and that seems to have gotten a lot of the extra time when I wasn’t looking for work, I was cleaning. Maybe reorganize things. I all ready went through my movie collection recently. I have a lot of movies. Most are good, some are random ones people gave me. Most are good though. Maybe I’d reorganize my CD changer it is a mess. I bought it in 1997 I think. Still works. I also still have my PlayStation 2, also still works. Maybe fix some computers. Got an old laptop that I was hoping had some story files on it, but it only had one. I have a walk in closet that has hard copies of everything I’ve ever written, but damn if I can find anything in there. Maybe go through that. That would take a lot of time. Maybe do more drawing or take up painting. That would be fun. So little time, so much to do!

Daily writing prompt
If you didn’t need sleep, what would you do with all the extra time?
View all responses
Posted in Life, Uncategorized

Daily Writing Starts Now

Posted on by jennrae

I am going to attempt to write at least a little bit of new material everyday, just to get back into the habit. I think trying to fix this mammoth novel has actually made my writing stagnant. I have been so intimidated about it. The immensity of the task, the insurmountable mountain of the pages. The myriad problems, none of which are small mind you. I think I have been using it as a crutch to avoid writing in general. It was written in a long fever dream after Layne Staley of Alice In Chains died. I was a big fan, and it made me realize that life is fragile, and often temporary.

When I was in the midst of it, in the emotions and the living and breathing of it, I thought it was the most important and glorious novel ever written. It was only after the dust settled, it was written quickly in three months, that I realized just how messy and unreadable it actually was.

It has been the boulder on my back crushing me ever since. However, I woke up feeling invigorated and positive and with a distinct feeling like I could conquer the world. I haven’t felt this way in years, before covid, and all that. It has been a hot minute. So, I am going to try and get into the habit of new writing and writing daily. And, I am going to start going to the gym on a regular basis too. Healthy body, healthy mind.

That was the idea behind the YMCA. They thought a pure body was closer to a pure mind. Young Men’s Christian Association. It is very 19th century, reminds me of the way they built sanitariums to be shaped in a way to keep the mind pure, and the working to keep the mind busy.

I also plan on doing some hiking and adventuring because I live in a beautiful area that has so much outside nature. I feel like growing up here has made me take it for granted. I tend to forget all the beauty and fresh air.

Posted in Life, Uncategorized, Writing

It has been awhile…

Posted on by jennrae

Trying to get back on the horse again. Life has a way of distracting you from things that matter. I tend to get caught up in the daily grind and get a little lost. My happiness has been a bit low, and one of the reasons is I haven’t been writing or drawing. I need to refuel the tank and get back to where I feel productive.

I’m sorry to all the people I disappeared on around 2019. I tend to sabotage myself and financially I’ve had other priorities.

Anyway, I appreciate any visitors and I promise to start writing some stories. JenRae.

Posted in Life, Uncategorized, Writing

It’s Been Awhile…

Posted on by jennrae

I have a lot of catching up to do, I know. I let life carry me away, and time management has always been a struggle for me. However, it just gets harder with every day I go without writing something. So, here I am. Back where I started. One of my idols, Ursula K LeGuin has passed away and I find myself struggling with just everyday life.

Dishes and laundry and playing chauffeur for my son and his much more exciting life, plus the Postal Service which can easily take a good chunk of time just by itself. But, in the end it is all excuses. You can make time for things that matter to you.

Perhaps I have found myself struck dumb with a severe case of apathy. I wonder if Ursula ever felt that, or did writing just flow all the time? I’ll never meet her, so I suppose I will never know for sure, although I have many books about writing by her. The answer may well be in one of those.

Maybe it is just laziness, maybe I don’t know, I secretly do not want to be happy. Maybe I don’t know how to be happy for long.

I hope any who still pass by this way forgive me for my rambling. I was partly inspired by the new Amazon series Electric Dreams, inspired by Philip K Dick, another author I envy. I liked all the episodes, some were more inspired than others. But the ones dealing with reality and being an other really resonated with me.

I don’t know how closely they follow the source material, because it has been a while since I read the stories, and some of them didn’t list which they were inspired by. Either way, they were interesting, and I am glad I saw them.

I also took the plunge and updated my laptop to windows 10. Unfortunately, I cannot find my copy of Office, which is the writing program I am used to using, and new copies are such an expensive proposition. Plus, I am so fond of this dear old laptop, but apparently windows 10 does not have a driver for my video card which is built into the motherboard. I can’t upgrade it, although I have upgraded everything else on this friendly dinosaur.

So, I have had  a few issues. Although, like the rest of this ramble, it is just more excuses. I will do better. I need to for myself. New Writing coming soon.

Posted in Life, Uncategorized, Writing

Time to Do Some Writing….

Posted on by jennrae

My site is back and hopefully here to stay. I plan on doing a lot of writing, and hopefully it will be just what I need to elevate my craft. Thank you all for your patience while the site was in hiatus. I appreciate any and all follows and I do follow back as a common courtesy.

I took this week off from work and it was nice not having to worry about getting up early and to have an open schedule. I do feel for those out there that make their own schedules though. It was at times hard to get motivated. I wasted some time, but that was okay.

I kind of knew that was going to happen. It is like the kid who isn’t allowed to eat candy going to a friend’s house and an open candy dish is right there. Time has been like that for me. I never have enough of it it seems, and when I do I squander it like a lottery winner does their winnings.

I am trying not to be too hard on myself. But at the same time, we never know how much time we are allotted in this life. So, it is imperative to make it count.

With that in mind, be expecting some timed writes, writing prompts, and short stories of surprise and wonder coming your way. And, again, thank you. Your encouragement and inspiration is what keeps me posting.

Sincerely,

JennRae.