Category: Life

Posted in Life

Is Your Life Today What You Pictured A Year Ago?

Posted on by jennrae

It is and it isn’t. If that makes any sense. A year ago I would have figured I would still be working at my current job, and live in the same place. But there was a lot of things I didn’t expect. I wouldn’t have seen me being this happy; getting back into writing; going to the gym consistently. A lot of these things I have only been doing for a couple weeks, but it still feels revolutionary in a weird way.

Usually I try to make changes around my birthday, or new years. Maybe because this seems random makes it different. I feel like I could conquer the world, if that is what I wanted to do.

I have always believed in the power of the mind. It is kind of amazing. I wasn’t that optimistic last year. I was just kind of floating through life. It feels like I woke up from a deep sleep. I have wasted a lot of time treading water, and now I want to live it all. I don’t want fear to hold me back anymore. I want to see and explore and go places. Truly live life.

Daily writing prompt
Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?
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Posted in Life, Writing

Share Five Things You’re Good At.

Posted on by jennrae

Five things I am good at. I guess I am good at pretending to be more social or happy than I am. I work in customer service, and so it is kind of second nature for me to act like I am happy to see people, when in reality I’d rather be home typing on a keyboard. I’ve been doing it so long though that I don’t even have to think about it.

I am good at being on time, I plan ahead and take into account things like traffic and try to plan for the unexpected. I guess in a way I am good at planning things, making sure I have things taken care of should I need it.

I am a great reader. I used to not be when I was little because I had an overactive imagination and would just make up what I thought things said, but once I got it, I got it pretty good. I actually read faster than anyone I know. I used to think I was average, but every time I show an article to someone and we read it at the same time, I am always waiting forever for them to catch up.

I am good at drawing quick sketches, I can even do caricatures of people I know well, but I am not a professional by any means, and mostly I just do impulsive scribbles of dragons and horses and faces. But I am good at that.

I like to think writing, but honestly, I am not sure anymore. I try and I think I have improved. I do think I have some talent with ideas and presenting them in writing. And I have the imagination for it, but it is a matter of presenting it in a way that makes sense, is entertaining and is paced well. I seem to struggle with pacing, and too much information. Or I am just trying to do way too much all at once. But, I still think I am good at writing, just maybe not as good as I would like to be. Got to have goals though. I’ll get there.

Daily writing prompt
Share five things you’re good at.
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Posted in Life, Writing

What Is One Thing You Would Change About Yourself?

Posted on by jennrae

Mentally, I would like to be more disciplined. It is a struggle to keep motivated sometimes. I try to not to procrastinate, but there are days where I struggle. I wish it was easier to stay focused and on task.

Physically, I’m working on it. Basically get in better shape, financially also a work in progress, but working on it. Trying to create healthy habits all around so that I feel better about where I am going and that I am getting there. So far so good. I can’t complain about too much right now. Just gotta keep it up which is the key to success. I admit to not getting much if any writing done today. And, I slipped up on the social networking on X as well.

I’ll be honest, this is going to be difficult because this is the busy season for my day job, and I can be downright exhausted at the end of the day, plus sometimes I do not get the long lunch hour I normally get. I can’t even go home for lunch. It is just starting to ramp up, but I can feel it arriving very soon. It has definitely begun. I work for a large employer who has to do with mailing packages and such. That is as specific as I am going to get because they are weird about social media and I am not representing work on here in any way, shape, or form. End of that disclaimer.

Just saying I may have quiet days coming up because it will be a challenge and a possible roadblock. I guess If I was independently wealthy and could just focus on writing that would be awesome. At least on paper.

I have found when I take a vacation with the intent of getting a bunch of writing done, that I waste a lot more time and I am a lot less productive. So, me being in charge of my schedule doesn’t seem like it would be a winner. I may be the type of person that requires a deadline or a limitation of some sort to thrive. I always did best when I turned that final paper in for college at the last minute and pulled an all-nighter to get it done. It is like the pressure is good for me, even though it can be anxiety inducing.

Daily writing prompt
What is one thing you would change about yourself?
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Posted in Life

What Are Your Feelings About Eating Meat?

Posted on by jennrae

I have mixed feelings about eating meat. For a very long time I wouldn’t eat beef, or lamb. I still don’t eat lamb or veal. Avoiding red meat wasn’t hard, I did it as a kid. I wish I could say it was about the animals, but at the time it wasn’t. I just didn’t like steak and hamburger, and it would make me gag. Something about the gristle and fatty bits would make me retch. So, I wasn’t a fan of most meat.

The only meat I would eat consistently was turkey or chicken. We raised birds, but we didn’t usually butcher and eat our chickens. I think my mom got attached and it would’ve been like eating a pet, better to get the ones we didn’t know from the store.

But I didn’t have any ethical concerns at that age. I could easily divorce the product from the animal, especially because I didn’t do much, if any, of the cooking. Now, I can eat hamburger without retching, and so I now occasionally eat beef. I still don’t eat it everyday. But now that I am older I also hear and learn more about how the animals used for slaughter are treated.

So, now I have ethical concerns, especially with chicken. The idea of living your whole life in a small box. That is actually what inspired the Alice In Chains song “Man in the Box.” It is kind of horrific. Nowadays, I still eat mostly poultry, occasional beef. But rarely pork. But it is hard, I have to cook the chicken, and I can see what it used to be. I applaud those that can not eat meat.

I don’t eat it everyday, I like a lot of vegetarian style meals, but sometimes it is less expensive to have chicken and rice if I am feeling less than adventurous. I always say a sort of internal prayer to the meat like “I’m sorry, and I’m thankful that you gave up your life so I can eat. I hope you didn’t suffer too much.”

At least I get the eggs from my mom’s chickens which are spoiled rotten. They eat better and have more enrichment than some people. And, they die peacefully of old age when their time comes. I do think the eggs taste better for it. There isn’t any fear, there is a richer flavor, and the yolk is more orange than yellow suggesting they are getting a better diet.

If I didn’t live in the middle of town I would have chickens in a heart beat, bantams, just because they are smaller. I don’t know if I could butcher and eat them. I am a bit soft hearted like my mom. Maybe if civilization comes crashing down and I have to live like the old days I could find the inner strength to do that to survive. But, until then I will just do the best I can and be grateful for the food I do have. I try not to waste any food, because I know it can be hard to come by, and I know the animal made the ultimate sacrifice. I don’t want it to be in vain.

Daily writing prompt
What are your feelings about eating meat?
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Posted in Life

What’s the Hardest Decision You’ve Ever Had to Make? Why?

Posted on by jennrae

The hardest for me was to admit I needed help and to move back to my hometown when I was pregnant. I have always been very stubborn, and very independent. So, admitting I was out of my depth and needed help was very hard. And, dealing with it all by myself was too much. I needed to be closer to my family and I needed the support. I had left a very ugly domestic violence situation and so was very isolated.

So, I was very alone, and the stakes were very real. It was the best decision I made because sometimes you have to admit you need other people and I really don’t know what would have happened to me had I stayed over there. I’ve made a lot of dumb decisions or at least questionable ones in the past. I kind of learn by stumbling around figuring things out as I go. Someone was looking out for me to give me the wisdom I needed in that moment. I believe that.

Daily writing prompt
What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?
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Posted in Fiction, Life

Time To Write — Where Is Here?

Posted on by jennrae

What is love? What is a feeling? Does it matter? Do we matter?

I wanted to say resoundingly, “Yes! Of course.” But then tomorrow there would be bills to pay, work to do, and the minutiae of everyday life. The things that can get in the way of the more exciting and wild life that I crave. It is like a slow death walking through the grocery store picking up this and that, deciding yes, I want to try that cocoa cereal, or I need the circular ice cube tray because it is there, and why not?

And then I am home with my circular ice cubes thinking, why did I buy this? Who cares about the shape of ice cubes? Then my mind wanders thinking about people who may not have easy access to water. They would probably love to have ice cubes, no matter the shape. Everything is just so commercial here. Commoditized for consumption. You don’t like that sweater, throw it away and get another. Don’t feel like cooking tonight? Order in.

I feel chained to a job I do not love to pay bills for things I may not need so I can live a life I find dull. I want adventure. To be swept off my feet and taken to an exotic location. Someone that holds me and listens to me complain about nothing. I feel like a train passenger in my own life, only the conductor never stops and I can’t get off.

Please let me off here, I want to enjoy this moment a little longer please. No response. He keeps going and ten years pass, and then another five, and I am wondering, what happened? Where did the time go? Why am I here? Where is here? And, then when I figure it out, it will be too late.

Posted in Life

If You Didn’t Need Sleep, What would you do with all the Extra Time?

Posted on by jennrae

I actually haven’t been sleeping much. Just too excited with all these plans for all these things, and with the way twitter and my website are doing. I’m just really pleased so far how things are going.

That being said, I would probably write and post round the clock. Everyone might get sick of it, I don’t know. I would probably be ready to publish something. Maybe more than one something.

My house would probably be spotless too. I had a brief stint when I was unemployed, and that seems to have gotten a lot of the extra time when I wasn’t looking for work, I was cleaning. Maybe reorganize things. I all ready went through my movie collection recently. I have a lot of movies. Most are good, some are random ones people gave me. Most are good though. Maybe I’d reorganize my CD changer it is a mess. I bought it in 1997 I think. Still works. I also still have my PlayStation 2, also still works. Maybe fix some computers. Got an old laptop that I was hoping had some story files on it, but it only had one. I have a walk in closet that has hard copies of everything I’ve ever written, but damn if I can find anything in there. Maybe go through that. That would take a lot of time. Maybe do more drawing or take up painting. That would be fun. So little time, so much to do!

Daily writing prompt
If you didn’t need sleep, what would you do with all the extra time?
View all responses
Posted in Life, Uncategorized

Daily Writing Starts Now

Posted on by jennrae

I am going to attempt to write at least a little bit of new material everyday, just to get back into the habit. I think trying to fix this mammoth novel has actually made my writing stagnant. I have been so intimidated about it. The immensity of the task, the insurmountable mountain of the pages. The myriad problems, none of which are small mind you. I think I have been using it as a crutch to avoid writing in general. It was written in a long fever dream after Layne Staley of Alice In Chains died. I was a big fan, and it made me realize that life is fragile, and often temporary.

When I was in the midst of it, in the emotions and the living and breathing of it, I thought it was the most important and glorious novel ever written. It was only after the dust settled, it was written quickly in three months, that I realized just how messy and unreadable it actually was.

It has been the boulder on my back crushing me ever since. However, I woke up feeling invigorated and positive and with a distinct feeling like I could conquer the world. I haven’t felt this way in years, before covid, and all that. It has been a hot minute. So, I am going to try and get into the habit of new writing and writing daily. And, I am going to start going to the gym on a regular basis too. Healthy body, healthy mind.

That was the idea behind the YMCA. They thought a pure body was closer to a pure mind. Young Men’s Christian Association. It is very 19th century, reminds me of the way they built sanitariums to be shaped in a way to keep the mind pure, and the working to keep the mind busy.

I also plan on doing some hiking and adventuring because I live in a beautiful area that has so much outside nature. I feel like growing up here has made me take it for granted. I tend to forget all the beauty and fresh air.