Category: Life

Posted in Life, Writing

Do You Spend More Time Thinking About the Future or the Past?

Posted on by jennrae

I used to think more about the past by far, but lately, I have been focusing more on the future, while attempting to focus on the present. I am actually enjoying planning for the future. I got a special journal that is supposed to help with that. It is a Dream book and planner that I bought years ago before I was ready to face my fears.

It asks me a lot of questions and I am attempting to really think and answer honestly, which is forcing me to think about what I really want and how to get there.

I don’t want to be stuck with too many expectations or concrete plans because I do not want to be living my life dreaming and become disappointed when or if reality doesn’t align perfectly.

It is a balance that I am trying to attain. I want to have goals and visions of where I want to be, but I also need to focus on my day to day situations. I also want to learn from the past, but no longer be chained to it.

I have come to the difficult decision that I should table my old manuscript because I am not in the same place as I was when I wrote it, and I really think I am using it as a crutch to not write anything new. I would like to get something published this year in some form. And, I don’t think that will happen if I stay fixated on that particular mess.

I think I am going to try to plot out an idea and a cast of characters and try to make something brand new. I also am going to attempt to delegate at least thirty minutes to this endeavor. We’ll see how it goes, I may even set an alarm. Make it a habit like going to the gym. Been pretty consistent about that and I am proud of that, now if I add this, and stick with it, it will be another victory for me.

Daily writing prompt
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
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Posted in Life, Writing

Do You Play In Your Daily Life? What Says “Playtime” To You?

Posted on by jennrae

I suppose playtime to me is free time, time that is unscheduled and unplanned. I tend to be tired after work, although I do occasionally play Hearthstone, and some WoW, although I haven’t been lately. I have made the conscious decision that I need to work more on my creative endeavors rather than spend my time consuming other people’s. I only have so much time, although to be honest, I still watch some television shows and some movies.

I am enjoying The Head, kind of a murder mystery show. It has some interesting characters and it has surprised me a few times although Season one I figured out ahead of time. I have also been enjoying What We Do In the Shadows, because we have been on a vampire kick lately with Nosferatu and all. I also have been going to the gym everyday it has been open, and going for walks whenever I can. I like to get some fresh air. I like to be near nature.

Writing is a form of play for me though. I enjoy replying on twitter, pretending I am so very witty. And, I enjoy reacting to things.

I also enjoy retail therapy. I just got a new coat that I adore, and some more DVDs from the Goodwill. I need to get some more binders to sort and store them though. I also enjoy reading and drawing, but I don’t always give myself enough time to enjoy these hobbies. And, I enjoy listening to music, in fact I am listening to music right now.

Daily writing prompt
Do you play in your daily life? What says “playtime” to you?
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Posted in Life

What Makes You Feel Nostalgic?

Posted on by jennrae

Watching movies from the nineties makes me feel nostalgic. I just watched Reality Bites. Other movies that are good for this are: Singles, Empire Records, The Usual Suspects, and Four Rooms all make me feel nostalgic. Because I remember them from back in the day. Music will also make me feel nostalgic. I’ll associate music with a time or place, an event or a time period for sure.

Sometimes, walking or driving down a street will make me feel nostalgic. We went to the Regal Cinema in Lakewood, which I haven’t been to in years. And, it reminded me there used to be a twenty-four hour bowling alley with mini golf there. It is gone now, but the sign is the same. It was a bit surreal.

It was like I was transported to another year, but things were also different, so it was more like another dimension. Sometimes I will see a photo, or even a television commercial that will remind me of another time or place. It seems like the older I get, the more likely I am to be nostalgic, the more triggers I am going to have, good or bad, for other memories.

Sometimes someone will say something that will trigger something, or it could be as simple as a random thought in a chain of thoughts that eventually leads to something from the past. I don’t mind feeling nostalgic, but I don’t want to get trapped in the past either. I also want to look ahead to the future. So, I have to be cognizant of that and pull myself out of it sometimes.

Daily writing prompt
What makes you feel nostalgic?
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Posted in Life

What Relationships Have a Positive Impact on You?

Posted on by jennrae

I think most relationships have had a positive impact. Sometimes it doesn’t seem that way at the time, of course. At the time, feelings of pain, rejection or outright fear can make it hard to see the good in it. I have been responsible and have been on the receiving end of ending romantic relationships, and even friendships.

I admit to having some trust issues because I was naive most of my youth, and I still want to see the good in people. I want to believe there is something special and kind inside all of us. I am stubborn, so for the most part I still believe this.

I do not try to save anyone or fix anyone though. Change has to come from within a person. I do believe you have to take a person as they are at that moment. And, if the person cares enough, and want to, they can and will make changes for someone. But, they have to be the one who wants it, and I don’t believe in ultimatums.

If it comes to that, the relationship is all ready doomed. No one changes willingly due to threats. They just get more clever at hiding things and pretending, and eventually things fall apart because people can’t keep up the act forever.

I survived a domestic violence situation that could have gone horribly wrong. That lasted as long as it did because the person was a master manipulator and knew I had self esteem issues. He wasn’t an evil person, but his view of the world was pretty dark. And, in direct conflict with mine. He had some terrible experiences that made him believe everyone was greedy and self serving and out to hurt others.

He basically saw things the complete opposite of me. The positive impact it had on me was to realize that even when things get that dark, there is always a way out. There is always a chance to start again, and there are people you can count on. Luckily I had family that helped me out, and got me out of there. I did have to live in terror for a week or so before that while a restraining order was in place.

I learned a lot. I learned that there are a lot of people who do not think like me. They aren’t bad people necessarily, but their experiences have hardened them to the point where they cannot truly love or care, or even connect with someone else. They just pretend for as long as they can.

Friendships have had a positive effect on me because while they aren’t as intense, they tend to be there for you when things go south. I have had friendships that have sustained me through depression.

There is someone that to this day, I feel saved my life by refusing to go away when I tried everything to distance myself from everyone. Because she wouldn’t go away, I couldn’t go through with my plan to get rid of myself. I was only in middle school but I was convinced I was like a cancer that dragged everyone around me down. That I was worthless and just by existing was making everyone’s life worse.

I knew people would be sad, and I didn’t want that. So, I thought I could minimize the damage by distancing myself and that would make it easier for people to get over me. She didn’t care how grumpy I was, or how irritable, if I told her to go away, she would instead give me a hug. Everyone needs someone like that in their life. Someone that won’t give up on you no matter what.

Daily writing prompt
What relationships have a positive impact on you?
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Posted in Life, Writing

You Get to Build Your Perfect Space For Reading and Writing. What’s It Like?

Posted on by jennrae

For reading I would have a place with plenty of light, natural and artificial. Maybe a whole wall is a large window, and one wall would be a bookcase with tons of books covering a lot of topics and some classic literature for inspiration. Lots of comfy throw blankets and a few cozy chairs, maybe one large couch that reclines with phone chargers built in. A sound system with a record player and a cd player and a radio for audio inspiration. Lots of old movie posters or literary posters on the remaining walls. Cross between cozy coffee shop and old library.

For writing, maybe something a little less cozy, a desk for the computer and printer, good source of internet for research and a coffee maker. Again, a good sound system, I like to write to music. Inspiring quotes or posters on the wall, but less comfy furniture. Maybe a small bookcase with writing and reference books within easy reach.

I kind of like the idea of a converted shed, office in the back yard. I read somewhere that is how J.D Salinger wrote Cather in the Rye, to free him from distractions from the house. He would go to work there, and people knew to leave him alone. I love the idea of an ADU just for writing. Like a mother in law apartment with a small kitchenette and bathroom. Keep work and home separate in a way. I would like that. And a beautiful garden outside it for more inspiration.

Daily writing prompt
You get to build your perfect space for reading and writing. What’s it like?
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Posted in Life

An Intro Into My Addiction to Physical Media…Plus James Cagney

Posted on by jennrae

So, tell me if you like this kind of content, and if you want more posts on movies, books, or maybe something else entirely. I will try to keep the videos a little shorter. Easier for me to upload, easier to watch.

Posted in Life

When Are You Most Happy?

Posted on by jennrae

When I am newly in love with someone, I am deliriously like a drug happy. But then reality always comes back and I fall back to earth. But those couple weeks where everything seems perfect is a nice feeling. But, true lasting happiness I find in more everyday things like getting a story finished, or when my son gives me a hug. It is less intense, but it means more and the contentedness seems to last longer. I guess it is more real, while the other is more fantastical but also more fleeting.

Sometimes I have to feel an intense happiness to appreciate it if I go into a low spot. I need something in the horizon to give me hope that I can get back to that place again. Often times I am pretty neutral, not happy or sad, kind of in the middle. And, that is okay. Not every moment of every day is memorable or worth a ton of feeling. But when I do feel something, I cherish it.

For all those feeling low right now, make sure you are taking vitamin D. Winter can be especially cruel for some with the lack of sunshine. Please, take care of yourselves. *hugs*

JennRae.

Daily writing prompt
When are you most happy?
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Posted in Life

What Was The Last Thing You Did For Play or Fun?

Posted on by jennrae

The last thing I did for fun was probably seeing a live action performance of Sweeney Todd. I have had fun since Christmas shopping can be fun. I enjoy finding movies at the pawn shops. I love physical media. I read for fun. Have been enjoying my reading my book on philosophy. Been enjoying the new Dune show.

Also, bought the Menu on DVD. I love that movie. All I am going to say on that movie because the fun part is being surprised. I guess I would have to define fun.

With the intention of just having a good time, we do tend to go through the thrift shops and the pawn shops looking for records, and movies and just to look around. But I do hope to have more fun soon.

Christmas day I am going to go see Nosferatu with my son. Should be interesting to say the least. I’d like to do another road trip or see a show, hopefully in March or thereabouts. We’ll see. Maybe go on a hike or a long walk this weekend. After this whole x-mas thing I should have more time.

Daily writing prompt
What was the last thing you did for play or fun?
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Posted in Life

List Your Top 5 Grocery Store Items

Posted on by jennrae

It depends on the store I am going to. Some things I get at Costco like protein bars, other things like super glue I get at Wal Mart. I use Misfits Market for most of the meat and fruit I get because they use stuff that would normally be thrown away because of shapes or sizes or overstock situations. I use Grove for cleaning products and soap.

I buy my cat food at Petco because they have the one brand Kit Kat likes. Kit Kat was adopted around Halloween five years ago, so she is named after a candy bar. My old cat is like ten she is a seal point American short hair who has some arthritis and needs lower calorie food. They are both indoor only for their safety.

When I go to the store for food I usually buy pasta, pasta sauce, whole bean coffee; I am a Washingtonian after all; and coffee creamer, lactose free milk, bread usually wheat or multigrain. I get my eggs from my parent’s chickens which saves me a fair amount since we love eggs. Easy and healthy protein.

I am more an in and out person than someone that enjoys shopping down every aisle. So I just get a few items as needed.

Daily writing prompt
List your top 5 grocery store items.
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Posted in Life

Describe A Man Who Has Positively Impacted Your Life.

Posted on by jennrae

I would have to say my Dad. He raised pheasants and quail with me when I was a child. I would help him build bird pens and take care of the animals. I always loved animals so it was a great bonding experience. And, I always enjoyed building things as well.

My Dad is a very good guy. I am lucky he is still around to hang out with and ask advice from. He was a hard worker, and was always punctual. He definitely was a good role model for my work ethic.

He could be moody, but I know now that some of that was the shift work at the mill. Sometimes he would work graveyard, and then we would have Christmas the next morning. Now I wonder how he did it. I would have been grumpy most of the time. I need my routine to be somewhat consistent to function.

I remember him always reading the newspaper with his coffee in his chair. I remember being terrified when I got a bad grade in school, not because he was abusive to me, but because I hated to disappoint him so much. I remember he shaved his beard off once, and I screamed and ran and thought he was a different person because he always had a beard.

Ultimately, he is the only man who has impacted me positively that I can think of at the moment. There have been others who have made me distrust people or made me reluctant to make connections. And, some that made me grow as a person in good or bad ways. I think all experience can teach a lesson of some kind. All my memories or choices have impacted me. Everyone I meet everyday can make an impact, and I can make an impact on them. I try to be conscious of that when I can.

Daily writing prompt
Describe a man who has positively impacted your life.
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