The experiences that changed me for the better are probably also the ones that were the hardest to survive at the time. I find I learn by screwing up and the lessons that stick with me the longest are the ones that take the longest to recover from.
It is hard for me to get into specifics on the internet. One of the lessons I have learned is to be more discerning with who I trust with what information.
I first learned that in school, probably middle school. I had to re learn it when I started working a job. Sometimes I would say something that would give the wrong impression or get back altered. It is something I have had to learn over and over. Gossip is something I avoid. I do not care for drama, and the older I get the more I realize that impressions and memories change with time.
Everyone has their own unique experiences even with the same events. There isn’t a “you’re right, I’m wrong,” in reality. Reality is like quicksand. What seems the most real sometimes isn’t. Sometimes what appears fantastical actually can impart real world wisdom.
This is why I love science-fiction so much. It is like a giant sandbox of ideas. In cinema, lately anyway, horror has kind of overtaken this important job; Sinners, Weapons, come to mind, but there are others. I would argue Frankenstein as well, but at its heart it is science-fiction. You can sometimes better explore reality by bending the rules and taking people out of the familiar. They may see things differently if it is removed from their daily life.
I re-watched V for Vendetta recently, and I got to say, it seems more relevant in 2026 then in 2006. It is 20 years old, but it feels built for today. A good story will do that, it will be timeless. It is what I would like to write, but I have been wrestling with the blank page for a while. I spent probably a good couple hours yesterday playing around with scrivener and not writing a thing. It is like I couldn’t focus.
I have been working a ton, all the days seem to bleed together. But even I have to admit that is an excuse at this point. I had to go to a local coffee shop, get out of my reality for a bit, to do this much writing.
I have learned how to procrastinate and how to waste time growing up in this modern world. I haven’t figured out how to unlearn this. I wish it were easy. But that is another lesson. Nothing worth doing is. And I know this but the brick wall seems awfully real. If you believe something is real hard enough, long enough, does it become real? If the end results are the same, what is the difference? Symantics?
I will admit I have been in a funk mentally wise. Sometimes it is hard to get motivated. I feel like I am a hamster in a wheel, wasting energy going in circles. Sometimes I wonder how I can get off this ride, is there anything out there or just a bigger cage with more distractions?
I have learned to keep a lot of things to myself. I have learned that emotions can make you weak, and to never let down your guard. I am trying to unlearn some of this, but sometimes I fee like an alien among people. I don’t know where to start or how to relate.
Small talk is hard and painful for me. Nothing seems to matter or have a real purpose. I need a direction. I need to find my flow. I used to have trouble not writing. It took all my free time. It was an obsession. I was a machine. Now, I am like a car with no gas. I just can’t seem to get going. I need a muse, I need inspiration.
I guess the biggest lesson I have learned and I have had to re learn this one many times, is this: No matter what you do, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You’ll be okay. You’ll get through this. Life ebbs and flows like a wave in the ocean. If it was constant we wouldn’t notice changes we go through. Life is chaos.
The important part is to never give up. No matter how dark or empty, or scary things get. No matter how lost you feel, or how alone. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep breathing in and out.
Everything eventually comes back around. Nothing is permanent. Just keep going. Nothing is ever lost forever. Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it merely changes forms. The people you love, the places you cherish, you will meet them again. Just hang in there.
The Infamous Jennisfora Strikes Again...or something like that 